Holiday home?

Or travelling the world exploring new destinations? Which one would you choose?  

I have never understood the proclivity of some people to buy second homes – either in the mountains or by the beach – to holiday in every year. I can understand the appeal of familiarity to some extent but the idea of spending every summer/winter in just one place seems a bit limiting to me. When the world is full of so many exciting destinations just waiting to be enjoyed, why would you return to the same place again and again (even if you did have a house in that location)?

 

For me, the idea of a holiday equals adventure, exploration and new experiences. And while I am happy to revisit some cities (London and Bangkok remain perennial favourites) and countries (Italy is one place I could visit three times a year) I am always looking for new horizons to feast my eyes upon. There is a special thrill about landing in an entirely new place where everything seems unfamiliar – sometimes even daunting – and slowly finding your place in that new landscape.

 

When it comes to choosing a holiday destination, everyone has their own special criteria. There are some who love the idea of a beach vacation, where they can loll by the seaside all day, sipping cocktails and occasionally dipping into the water. There are others who love the pristine coolness of the mountains, where the air is crisp and bracing, and there is a special pleasure to be had basking by the fireside at the end of a long day of trekking. Some people like the hustle and bustle of a city, with all the cultural delights – museums, monuments, etc. – it has to offer while others love the idea of checking into a resort in the middle of nowhere and just chilling all day long.

 

Speaking for myself, I have to say that I enjoy every kind of holiday, depending on my mood – and the time of the year. When Delhi is sizzling in the summer months, it seems heavenly to escape to the hills to get a respite from the blazing hot heat of the plains. If I have had a couple of stressful months struggling to meet deadlines then there is nothing better than the prospect of checking into a resort where the most strenuous activity on offer is an aromatherapy massage. When I want a fix of culture then a city break in Europe where I spend all my time traipsing through museums seems just the ticket. And when Delhi is freezing around the New Year, a beach break is exactly what the doctor ordered.

 

As I grow older, though, there is another criterion that has become just as – if not most – crucial as any other when I plan a holiday. Given a choice, I would much rather go to a destination that I can reach with a direct flight. I don’t care if the flight itself is two or twelve hours long; as long as I can board a plane and then get off at my final destination, I am good to go. The very thought of negotiating more than one airport to reach my holiday hotspot is enough to bring me out in hives. And that, you will agree, is not the best way to kickstart a vacation.

 

Can't take the heat?

And can't get out of the kitchen? Here's what to do

 

You must have all heard the saying: “If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen.” Alas, that’s not an option available to those of us who still have to feed a family three times a day, no matter how unbearable the Indian summer gets. But wait, don’t get all hot under the collar; help is at hand. And that’s because this week I come armed with tips about how to maximize your results in the kitchen while making the most minimal of efforts. (This is where lesser mortals would make some lame joke about sweating your onions rather than yourself; but I am, of course, above that sort of puerile thing!)

 

So, how do we crack the whole cooking-while-its-cooking-outside puzzle? Well, here are some pointers, honed after years of hard-won experience. 

 

·       Minimize the use of your gas range. It’s hot enough outside, so why make things worse by getting three hobs of your cooking range going at once? Instead try and use other methods of cooking that produce less red-hot heat. Cook your rice in a rice-maker instead of boiling it on the stove, for instance. Bung your chicken curry in the Instapot and let it bubble away for hours rather than stirring it for hours on the gas. Make your fried chicken in the air fryer rather than the stove (it’s much healthier that way, too). Use the microwave rather than the range to reheat.

·       Make the oven your best friend. I don’t mean by baking cakes and cookies. No, I mean by doing most of your cooking in the oven. All you need to do for a delicious tray bake, for instance, is to prep your vegetables (which you can do in air-conditioned comfort on the dining table) and meat. Pre-heat the oven while you’re doing that and then just bung your dish inside, set the timer as recommended, and retire to read a book and savour a drink while your oven does all the hard work. An hour later, when the alarm goes, dinner will be ready.

·       Batch cooking can be your saviour. I know, I know, everyone keeps extolling the virtues of fresh food. But there are some dishes that freeze extremely well, and taste as good (if not better) when you defrost them after a week (or more). If you are making the effort to make a black dal or mutton korma, for instance, double, or even triple, the quantity you are cooking. Eat what you can on that day and freeze the rest, breaking them out on a day when you don’t feel like cooking.

·       Increase your repertoire of uncooked or barely-cooked dishes. There is nothing quite as appetizing in the summer heat than a cooling salad of watermelon and feta, burrata or cottage cheese with a nice olive-oil dressing and lashings of tomatoes and olives, or even just day-old cold grilled chicken teamed with an assortment of leaves and a spot of balsamico. Build up a book of recipes just like these for these hot, hot, hot summer days and you will both eat well and stay cool. Well, as cool as it is possible to stay in an Indian summer!

Holiday styles

No matter what kind of holidaymaker you are, the odds are you are married to the opposite kind

There are probably as many kinds of holiday-makers as there are types of holidays. There are those who like to flop down on a beach and never stir until the sun goes down. And then there are those who can’t get enough of water sports, trying everything from jet skiing to snorkeling to deep-sea diving. There are those who get up early to hit the gym and make sure they get in their required cardio even before the day begins. And then there are those who don’t want any more exercise than that required to pick up their cocktail glass from off the poolside bar.

 

And the funny thing is that, all too often, these two types of people are married to one another. As you can imagine, it makes for an interesting holiday dynamic.

 

In my own case, I am the hyper-organised one, who likes to make lists of everything from what to pack to which monuments to visit. If possible, I like to shortlist a few restaurants in every city. And I read every travel article on my destination so that I know what to expect, look forward to, and yes, avoid. On the contrary, my husband is all for complete spontaneity when we set out on holiday. The only thing he devotes time to is finding a good hotel. But once that’s booked, he would rather leave everything to chance. His idea of a perfect holiday is waking up every morning with no idea of what the day holds, and then deciding what to do depending on our mood. 

 

How, you ask, do we reconcile these two opposing ways to vacation without biting each other’s heads off when we are on holiday. Well, the trick is to meet each other half-way. The way we compromise is that I get to structure one part of the vacation and he gets to do his spontaneous stuff on the other. And that formula seems to have worked so far. 

 

We are lucky in that neither of us likes to shop or even window shop. But I know plenty of couples where one party likes to spend hours browsing the local markets, while the other gets spectacularly bored. And for them, I can only suggest that they take some time off from each other and indulge in their own thing without imposing their choices on their partner. 

 

One of my friends, for instance, is always despairing of the fact that her husband’s idea of a holiday is flopping down on his hotel bed and only leaving the room to go for massages in the spa. After berating and hectoring him for many years, she has finally made the (eminently sensible) decision of going off on her museum visits on her own instead of dragging a recalcitrant spouse along. That way, they can meet for dinner after a day well-spent and enjoy each other’s company. Which wouldn’t have been an option if they had been bickering all day long.

 

So, if you are a dedicated sunbather stuck with a devoted sightseer (or vice versa) you know what to do. Carve out time for each of you to do your own thing. And then, come back together refreshed and ready for a reunion. That way, you will enjoy both the holiday and each other better. 

 

Travelling light

Never mind what to take on holiday; here's what you should leave behind 

Whenever the summer holidays roll along , magazines and newspapers are quick to run the now almost-mandatory pieces about what you should pack when you head out on vacation. 

Well, this week I am taking a very different tack to that. I am going to make a list of all the things you definitely do not need to pack when you are heading out for a summer holiday, based on the many packing mistakes I have made over the years. So here’s a short list of all the stuff you definitely need to leave behind when you head out to have a good time. 

• You absolutely do not need two coats/jackets even if you are heading to a cold climate. Just pick one that can do double duty for both day and night (black, red or any neutral shade will do). And if you can carry it along with you on the plane you can save precious space in your suitcase. 

• I have been guilty of this on many an occasion but believe me you do not need to carry your entire hair paraphernalia with you on vacation. Your hair will benefit from using a different shampoo and conditioner (it prevents build-up of product on your hair) and a good hotel will provide a hairdryer as well. Just carry your mousse/spray and you are all set (see what I did there?).

• Wear your bulkiest pair of shoes/boots while travelling (another great space-saving trick) and pack your evening sandals/heels. But only one pair, mind you. You don’t need anything more than that no matter how many fancy dinners you have booked. 

• You may absolutely love a certain top or pair of trousers but unless you can mix and match them with several other pieces in your packing list then you must harden your heart and leave them behind. Every outfit in your suitcase absolutely has to earn its place. 

• Are you thinking that your vacation would be the perfect time to read that big fat book that has been languishing on your nightstand for months? Maybe it will. But the odds are that you will be having too much fun to even open it. Much better to leave that weighty tome behind and load whatever you want to read on your Kindle instead. 

• Even if you are the most finicky of dressers, you really don’t need to cart a portable iron or steamer along with you. Most hotels have an ironing board and iron in the room — or available on demand; as are steamers. Though in my experience if you unpack as soon you arrive and hang up all your clothes in the wardrobe the creases will have miraculously fallen away by the time you are ready to get dressed the next morning. 

• And ladies, last but not least, it is not necessary to carry your entire make-up kit and face care potions along. Pare it down to one or two lipsticks, one moisturising foundation, one blusher, an eye pencil or eyeliner, mascara and a nourishing night cream. Just add a bottle of SPF 50 sunscreen and you are good to go. Happy holidays everyone!

Summer reading

 Here are just some of my recommendations

It’s that time of year again. The summer holidays are finally upon us. And that means it’s time for my annual ritual of sharing my summer reading list with you. Here, in no particular order, are some books that I have enjoyed over the last few months — and which you might like as well.

Marble Hall Murders by Anthony Horowitz 

I have been a fan of the Atticus Pund novels and Horowitz’s ability to tell a story within a story without confusing the hell out of his readers. This, the latest in the series, is set in London and the South of France, and revolves around the death of a matriarch written by a disturbed writer who may be cannibalising the story of his own famous family for the plot. Horowitz has made the cosy crime genre his own — and this may be his best effort yet. 

When The Going Was Good by Graydon Carter

I am old enough to remember a time when magazines were where it was at. And at the centre of that world was the foppish figure of Graydon Carter, the now-legendary editor of Vanity Fair. In this memoir, he tells us the stories behind the stories that appeared in VF. And in examining his life, he brings the media world of that period to life as well. 

Karla’s Choice by Nick Harkaway

It’s a brave son who takes on the legacy of a famous father — and manages to do him proud. But that is exactly what John Le Carre’s son, Nick Harkaway, has done in this book that revives the much-loved character of George Smiley. Set in the time period between The Spy Who Came In From The Cold and Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, the story revolves around a Soviet spy whose cover is blown after an assassin sent by Moscow tries to kill him. The plotline, the writing, the slow build-up, and of course the comeback of Smiley, all hark back to the glory days of John Le Carre. A true triumph. 

Delizia by John Dickie

Readers of this column will be well aware of my love for all things Italian. But even if you don’t share that love, you will enjoy this book if you are a lover of Italian staples like pasta, pizza and tiramisu. And you will be intrigued to learn that some traditional Italian recipes are not in fact traditional at all, but of relatively recent origin 

Miss Austen by Gill Hornby

I came to this book rather later, and rather shamefully, via a story about the recent dramatisation of the novel on the BBC. Sadly, the TV series has yet to be released in India but until then you can gorge on this gorgeous book. The Miss Austen of the title is not Jane, the novelist, but her elder sister, Cassandra. At the end of her life now, Cassandra is determined to preserve her sister’s legacy by finding all the letters she wrote to a friend and destroying those that portray Jane in a less than flattering flight. The recreation of the Austen universe is a joy to behold and the real-life parallels with Jane’s life are hard to miss. A treat for all Austen fans. 

Who's arguing?

Certainly not the Clooneys; they seem to agree on entirely everything 

In case you missed the happy news, I am delighted to inform you that George Clooney is blessed with such a fine marriage that in more than a decade he has never had an argument with his lovely wife, Amal. Yes, you read that right. In more than ten years of wedded bliss, the Clooneys have never found a single thing that they could argue about. Sounds incredible, doesn’t it? And did you say, also a little enviable?

 

Well, if you ask me, it’s incredible all right – as in hard to believe – but enviable? I think not.

 

There are some unkind souls who have suggested that the reason George has never argued with Amal is because she is a world-renowned human rights lawyer. And he knows he wouldn’t be in with a chance if he matched his wits against a woman who has honed her argumentative skills in law courts across the world. And if that is the case, then I have to doff my cap to him; rare is the man who knows his own limitations and learns to live within them. So full marks to George for this insight into the dynamics of his marriage. 

 

But honestly, I can’t think of a more boring relationship than one in which neither party ever disagrees or argues with one another. Some of my most interesting ideas have been sparked by arguments with my husband and I know that the same is true of him as well. And there is something to be said for the cathartic effect of a proper to-do which can clear the air that is festering with the scent of disagreement and discontent.

 

Ask any psychologist or psychotherapist and they will tell you that the absence of argument doesn’t denote a healthy relationship. On the contrary, it points to a relationship which is problematic on several scores. 

 

First off, the lack of argument may denote an imbalance of power. One partner may have all the power in that equation so much so that the other doesn’t dare express a contrary opinion, let alone fight for it. And any relationship that is based on fear is unhealthy in the extreme. 

 

The absence of argument may also stem from the fact that one or the other partner is scared of conflict. So rather than address an issue that crops up they would rather avoid it altogether in the hope that it goes away. And this festering discontent simmering just under the surface may eventually lead to the relationship blowing up at some point or another.

 

So, what’s the solution? Well, far be it for me to argue (there’s that pesky word again) that you should spend all your time litigating with your spouse. But there is something to be said for having healthy disagreements where you can discuss your differences logically and calmly without fearing that your partner will blow a fuse or walk out or simply sulk for the rest of the week.

 

Given that no two people – even if they are married – can ever see eye to eye on every issue, it’s best to lay down the ground rules for the arguments that will inevitably break out. One: don’t lose your temper. Two: don’t make personal attacks. Three: agree to disagree. Four: don’t keep harking back to the argument once it’s over.

 

And five: don’t envy the Clooneys.

 

Time hurries on...

Here are just some ways to tell that you are getting old

 

It was while lunching with my closest girlfriends last week that the epiphany first struck me: it’s a sure sign that you are growing old when half your stories begin with the phrase, “Remember when…” Well, at least, that’s the way the conversation tends to go when I sit down for a catch-up with my girl gang. We have been close for more than two decades now and our memories are inextricably wound up in each other just as our lives are closely intertwined. So, yes, meeting up now means reminiscing about our past adventures as much as it does about discussing what the future holds. 

 

I guess that’s what happens when you reach a stage in your life when you have more yesterdays than tomorrows. But thinking about it, I realized that this is not the only sign that age is fast catching up with me. Quite apart from my creaking knees and dodgy back, there are many indications that I am rapidly approaching my dotage. Or should I call that my anecdotage, given the propensity of people of my vintage to repeat stories that others have heard a thousand times before – all because they have forgotten that they ever related them in the first place.

 

For me, one of the first signs of ageing came when FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) was replaced by JOMO (Joy Of Missing Out). There was a time in my youth when I would have been bitterly disappointed not to be invited to some glittering reception, a glitzy fashion show, or even a fancy brunch that all my other friends were attending. Now, I actively look for excuses not to attend even those events that I am invited for. Honestly, it seems such a palaver to get dressed in the evening and put a full face of make-up on when I could be chilling on my sofa, cooking a meal, reading a book, or just hanging out with my husband.

 

Along with JOMO, I am also experiencing what I like to call my DGAD (as in Don’t Give A Damn) years. After spending my childhood and youth being an inveterate people pleaser, I now find myself completely indifferent to what people may think, feel, or say about me. And that applies equally to real life as it does to social media. So, no more trying to explain my point of view to friends, to defend myself against gossip and innuendo and certainly, no arguing with strangers on the Internet. What others think about me (or the state of the world) is entirely their business, not mine.

 

One sure sign that you are growing old – or even just older – is the thinning of the ranks around you. It’s not just that parents and aunts and uncles pass away, leaving you in the awkward position of being among the family elders. You also end up losing friends – some to disease and death; others to misunderstandings and quarrels; and some others to geographical (and then emotional) distance. But while some attrition is inevitable as the years go by, the flip side is that every surviving relationship gets even stronger as a consequence.

 

They say growing old is not for the faint of heart; it involves guts and gore. But, honestly, it’s not so bad when you consider the alternative.