Life in the time of Corona

Some handy tips to deal with the virus (but before that, wash your hands!)

As I sit down to write this column, I have a completely empty diary staring at me, with no upcoming trips or events listed. Just a week ago, my schedule looked very different, with both domestic and international travel scheduled through the month. But as the coronavirus scare got scarier by the day, I cancelled two trips to Mumbai as a measure of abundant caution. And today, as the Indian government banned all non-essential travel by Indians abroad (with the very real risk of quarantine when we get back), I cancelled a trip to Singapore scheduled for the end of March.

And even though I show no symptoms of the disease (so far!) I have decided to self-isolate at home as well. And that’s not just because I don’t want to catch an infection as I go about my normal day. It’s also due to the fact that the last flight I took to Mumbai featured an air-hostess who coughed dramatically throughout the two-hour journey even as she did the meal service (yes, I kid you not!). I quickly donned my mask for the duration of the flight – though the passengers around me did not seem unduly concerned – but there is always the chance that the damage may have already been done.

So, for the past week I have been staying in for the most part, declining events and avoiding crowds. And even though I risk coming off as rude, I have been refusing to shake hands with the smattering of people I do meet, offering a Namaste instead (it came as something of a relief when I saw Prince Charles and President Macron of France doing exactly the same thing).

It helps that as far as self-isolation goes, I have some experience in the matter. For the past several years, I have been working out of home, and often go days without seeing anyone other than my husband and the household help. So unlike others who may be freaked out by the prospect of isolation, I have already made my peace with it. And it is on that basis, that I offer the following tips to cope with being home alone.

• First, set up a routine. When you are just schlepping around at home, the temptation to lounge around all day in your pyjamas, without even having a shower or shave, is hard to resist. But resist it you must. It is crucial to keep up appearances, even if there is no one around to watch. So, make sure that you are bathed and dressed (and by that I don’t mean another pair of pyjamas) as you prepare to face the day. Don’t skip lunch and grab a bag of chips instead. Have a proper meal at midday, even if it is just you sitting at the table. Stop working in the evening, to give yourself some proper downtime. And don’t eat dinner slumped in front of the television. Set the table and eat with proper crockery and cutlery laid out. It is these civilizing touches that make your daily routine; and you must stick with them no matter what.

• Yes, this is the best time to binge on those shows that you haven’t had the time to watch given your hectic schedule. But TV shows – especially those that have an addictive element – have the tendency to take over your life to the exclusion of all else. So, it is imperative that you set limits on yourself. Speaking for myself, I have an iron rule in my household. The TV does not come on before 8 pm. That is the only way I can discipline myself to work during the day. Because once you descend into the pit of daytime TV-viewing, there is no coming back.

• A far better use of your time would be to catch up on all the books you’ve been meaning to read (but have been piling on your bedside table because of lack of time). Now that you are at home with time on your hands and minimal distractions, tackle all the books that require your undivided attention. Choose books with important themes if you are a non-fiction fan. Pick sweeping sagas if you prefer fiction. This is the best time to delve into three or four-part series like Elena Ferrante’s Neapolitan quartet, for instance (I promise you will love it).

• Just because you are in isolation does not mean that you have to feel isolated. Use social media to stay in touch with the world (though Instagram is a more feel-good place than Twitter; and Pinterest much more fun than Facebook). Facetime or video call your friends and family rather than just phone; seeing their faces will make for a stronger connection than merely hearing their voices.

• This is the time to indulge your hobbies, or even develop new ones. Dabble with new recipes in the kitchen. Learn how to knit (it’s supposed to help reduce stress, so that’s a bonus). Or maybe spend time researching the destinations you would like to visit when this nightmare is over. I have already shortlisted two that I have never been to – Greece and Croatia – and I am having a tremendous time planning itineraries in my head, while I wait for the real thing to materialize. Let’s hope real life lives up to my imagination. 

And now, if you will excuse me, I am off to wash my hands – yes, again!

Palling around

Making friends as you grow older may be hard; but it’s even harder to keep the ones you do have

I’ve always been skeptical of those who say that it is impossible to make new friends when you hit middle age. You know how the theory goes, right? The best, the most intense, the most valuable relationships are those that are forged when we are children or in our early adulthood. It is these childhood friends or college buddies who become our support structure as we grow older along with each other. This tight-knit group has no secrets from one another; they have seen each member at his or her absolute best and horrific worst; they share memories and secrets; they have witnessed the seminal moments of each others life; and the bonds thus created are unbreakable. You could never replicate that kind of friendship with someone you meet when you are fully formed.

Well, that’s the argument, anyway. And I must confess that it’s not one I necessarily agree with. As someone who moved town because of my career and lost touch with most of her childhood friends (who are now scattered all over the globe) I could not have negotiated life without the friends I made in my thirties and forties. 

These friendships are arguably even better than the ones I had forged in my youth and teenage years. For one thing, they are not based simply on proximity, on the coincidence of attending the same class or living in the same neighhourhood. These are people that I actively sought out and befriended because I felt I had some sort of special rapport with them. And more importantly, these relationships were formed when I had a better idea of who I was and what I wanted in a friend – and at a time when I had zero compunction about walking away from people who simply weren’t doing it for me. So, these are the friends not just of my heart but my mind as well. 

But as I grow older, it is not the thought of making new friends that preoccupies me; it is the dread of losing any of the friendships that I have spent so many years cherishing and preserving. And yet, as life gets more and more frenetic, as our familial obligations increase, it is an inescapable fact that we have less and less time for friends. 

We all know that relationships are more like houseplants than trees. While trees do well even if they are neglected and left to their own devices, houseplants have a most disobliging way of dying on us if they are not nourished and looked after. So, how does one keep a friendship going, so that it lasts us a lifetime?

Well, here are just a few tips, based entirely on my own experience:

• Stay in touch: And by that I don’t mean that you should share the occasional joke on Whatsapp or like each other’s pictures on Facebook or Instagram. By ‘stay in touch’ I mean that you should be present in one another’s life. If your friend gets promoted, buy her lunch to celebrate. If she loses a parent, don’t think your duty is done if you attend the funeral; call her every day for a little chat just to check that she’s okay. If she is depressed, don’t just send her motivational quotes; show up at her house with a box of chocolates and spend time raising her spirits. 

• Don’t let feelings fester: If you are feeling neglected by a friend, if she hasn’t been in touch for a while, don’t respond by deploying the silent treatment. If you value that friendship, take the initiative to change things for the better. Pick up the phone and speak to her. Be honest and admit that you miss her presence in your life. Ask her for the reasons behind her absence. If she is upset about something you have done, address the issue head-on. Similarly, if you are upset with a friend about something, don’t just sulk in silence and assume that she will pick up on your unhappiness. Express your displeasure clearly and firmly; only then can you move beyond it. If yours is a true friendship, it will survive this honesty stress; if it doesn’t, well then it wasn’t much of a friendship at all.

• Do fun things together: If you only turn to your friends when you are in a funk and need cheering up, or you are in a spot of trouble and could do with some help, it won’t be long before they start dreading your call or email. So, it’s important to ensure that you guys have some fun times together as well to remember why you became friends in the same place. Meet for a few drinks in the evening, maybe go for a walk on a weekend morning, or just share a meal together to catch up on the minutiae of each other’s life. 

• Make an effort: You do that in your romantic relationships, don’t you? (At least, I hope you do!). You put a lot of thought into buying a birthday present. You send flowers on significant anniversaries. You plan surprise parties on special occasions. Well, a friendship doesn’t deserve any less effort just because it a platonic rather than a romantic relationship. So, do your best by your friends, and more often than not, they will do even better by you.

The bell tolls for thee...

Given the fragility of life, it makes sense to make the most of every moment granted to us

Even though I never knew Wendell Rodricks particularly well – I only ever met him on a couple of occasions – I was still shattered to hear of his passing. For one thing he was only 59, an absurdly young age to die. And then there was the fact that news of his demise came out of the blue, administering a shock to all those who knew him – or even just knew of him. But more than that, his death also came as a reminder of the fragility of human life. We may be alive and well, feverishly planning our future one minute; and gone to the great beyond the next, with all our plans left undone. 

The truth that we rarely have the courage to face up to is that our lives may end at any moment. There is no guarantee of getting up in the morning when we go to sleep at night. But even though from time to time we all employ the cliché of ‘living as if every moment would be our last’ we don’t always practice what we preach. 

But Wendell’s passing got me thinking. If I knew that I had only a finite amount of time left on earth, what would I do with it? Well, here’s what I came up with:

• Forgive and forget: All of us carry around grievances – justified or not – against some people in our lives. And very few of us can see a way to get beyond them. So, the bitterness festers and destroys relationships. Anger seeps deep within us and becomes our default emotion. And soon we are so locked into our positions that we can’t break out of them. Well, I’m going to let these intimations of mortality push me into making an effort to break those patterns and find a way to get past my anger and resentment. I’m going to try and forgive those have sinned against me; and ask for forgiveness from those I have sinned against. Forgetting is a bit harder than forgiving, but I am going to make that effort nonetheless. 

• Open lines of communication: With the pace of modern life overwhelming us all, we have lost the fine art of conversation. Rarely if ever do we ever chat about the things that matter with the people we love and cherish. We would much rather Whatsapp than have a phone conversation. We eat our dinner in front of the television watching a Netflix show rather than at the table where we can speak to each other. And even when we do talk, it is about mundane things like what to make for lunch or who will pay the electricity bill instead of meaningful things that could bring us closer to one another. That’s one thing I am determined to change. Communication is the key to healthy relationships – and to a happier life. And those two goals are going to be my primary motivation now.

• Tell the people you love that you love them: Whenever there is an outpouring of love for a recently-deceased person on social media, I can’t help but wonder how many of those paying tribute ever said all these lovely things to the person when he or she was alive. My guess is that very few – if any – did. So, my resolution from now on is to tell the people I love – family, friends, colleagues – that I love them when they are still around to appreciate the sentiment. And I am going to do that not just by words (though a well-timed “I love you” never goes unappreciated) but by deed as well. That means making time for them, taking an interest in their lives, even buying them the odd, unexpected gift – anything that shows that they matter to me.

• Start a gratitude journal: Yes, I know, it sounds like the kind of thing that Gwyneth Paltrow would recommend on her website, Goop. But sometimes even Paltrow gets it right. And even though I was initially skeptical about the idea, I have started penning down one thing I am grateful for every day. And I have found that it concentrates the mind remarkably, forcing me to focus on the positive rather than dwell on the negative. And that’s not a bad way to negotiate life when you think about it. 

• Stop procrastinating: I am a past master at this. I sit down to write my book (a sequel to Race Course Road; coming soon, I promise!) and go down the rabbit hole of Twitter instead. I settle down with a book that I have been longing to read and get distracted by the news about the Delhi election. When I should be thinking of my column, I go into some sort of displacement activity like cleaning out my closet. All that comes to an end now. I am going to focus on the things that matter, stop wasting time to social media or mindless TV-watching. 

And yes, I am going to live my life as if every moment might be the last. And maybe, just maybe, you might want to do that too.

Past perfect

There comes a time in life when looking back is as much of a joy as looking forward

The older I grow the more I find that nostalgia is the governing emotion of my life. This was brought home to me even more strongly last week when I went back to Jaipur’s Rambagh Palace for a brief visit. The moment I walked through the sofa-lined verandah that runs in front of what used to be the Jaipur royal state room (and is now rather prosaicly, a restaurant), I was transported back to my first visit to this iconic property.

I was a young rookie reporter, barely out of college, and had been assigned to cover the General Elections by following the erstwhile royals on the campaign trail. We (I was accompanied by the magazine’s photographer) were in Jaipur to cover the former Maharaja, Captain Bhawani Singh’s, campaign and stopped by at the Rambagh for a quick coffee. 

Imagine our excitement when we saw, in the verandah where I now stood some three decades later, Rajmata Gayatri Devi, resplendent in chiffon and pearls, talking to a friend. We immediately sidled up to her, waited respectfully for her conversation to end, and then asked if we could speak to her.

Much to our surprise, she ignored us completely, refusing to even acknowledge the question. Both of us were crestfallen but couldn’t quite understand why we had been snubbed so comprehensively. It was only later when we shared the story with the hotel manager did we realize what we, in our naivete, had done wrong. Instead of addressing her as ‘Rajmata Saheb’ as was customary, we had referred to her as ‘Mrs Singh’ (on the grounds that she was stepmother to ‘Captain Singh’; what can I say, we were young and callow). Of course, such lese-majeste had to be punished. 

Later, as I gazed at a beautiful portrait of Gayatri Devi in her younger days that was hung in pride of place in my room, I was transported back to my youth as well. Suddenly, all those memories of driving through dry, dusty Rajasthan in a clapped-out Ambassador with no air-conditioning as we tried to keep up with the likes of the Maharaja of Jaipur and Maharana of Udaipur came flooding back. I remembered going days without drinking water because I knew that there would be no decent loos on our route. I remembered the dodgy hotel rooms we stayed in, a far cry from my salubrious surroundings of today. But mostly, I remembered the energy and enthusiasm of my younger self, and the self-belief that I would give anything to possess today in my advancing years.

I had much the same experience when I visited Kolkata a few years ago – though, I have to confess that it will always be Calcutta to me. This is the city where I was born and raised, where I went to school and college, and got my first job. No surprises then that every street sparked a memory, every building evoked emotions, and even a walk in a park triggered a strong dose of nostalgia.

But it was a visit to my old college that really transported me back in time. I was walking through Park Street with my husband, marveling at how many things had changed while others remained just the same, when I came to the turn that led to my old alma mater, Loreto House. On a sudden impulse I walked to that familiar green gate and asked the doorman if, as an old student, I could have a little walkthrough. He agreed, and we walked into that driveway that I had traversed every day to go to class. 

We walked into reception and then into the hall in which we had held assembly on special occasions, where I sat for so many exams. I walked on to the stage on which I had participated in innumerable debates and plays – one of them written and performed by my English Honours class. It was on this stage where, at the end of my college career, I had been awarded the gold medal for most outstanding student of the year. And – pardon the boastfulness – did I mention that my name was immortalized in shiny gold paint on a board outside, along with all the other winners? 

But while places have their own role in jogging my memory, it is meeting people that brings on the strongest bouts of nostalgia. Meeting my childhood best friend in Cal, and remembering the first day we went to school, clutching nervously on to each other, as we navigated this new, mysterious world. Running into an old teacher, who didn’t just remember my name and face, but also an essay I wrote for her, which I have long forgotten. Going to the restaurant that was the haunt of us newspaper types as we worked late into the night and being greeted by the same waiter.

The memories come rushing back thick and fast no matter where I am or what I am doing. A visit to my sister results in us taking out old photo albums and reminiscing about our younger years. Meeting old colleagues means another trip down memory lane. And stumbling upon an old article of mine among the few clippings I have preserved transports me to an entirely different time and place.

My conversations these days are peppered with “Do you remember when” or “Remember that time”. I guess that is a good indication that I am finally at a place in my life when looking back is as pleasurable – sometimes even more so – than looking forward. Or, more bluntly, I am just getting old!

Brand New Year...

…Means a brand new you – but just wait till February rolls around 

I think the biggest mistake that people make when it comes to New Year Resolutions is that they try to implement them the day the new year begins. New Year, New Me, goes the cry in households across the country as people pledge to inaugurate their brand-new selves. This usually involves a regimen of denial, given special impetus by the excesses they indulged in to celebrate the holiday season. 

It’s going to be a dry January, is the first declaration of intent. The second usually involves a diet fad of some kind: giving up carbs; intermittent fasting; going on a juice cleanse; or maybe just eating papaya for a month. Then comes the biggie: the promise to undertake a fitness regime that will leave them leaner, fitter, healthier, and much more flexible. This could entail anything from daily walks to taking up tennis to practicing Pilates to signing up for yoga.

So barely have they recovered from the mother of all hangovers on New Year’s Day than these deluded folks are trying to diet and exercise their guilt about gluttony away. Well guess what, it’s a venture doomed to failure.

The truth is that January is the worst month to initiate these kinds of lifestyle changes. For one thing your body and mind are busy trying to adjust to coming back to work full-time after some time off. So, it’s not a good idea to subject them to the extra effort that a new diet and exercise regimen entails. Far better to indulge in some comfort snacking and the odd glass of wine to come to terms with your new reality. 

This is when you need to wean yourself off gently from the bad habits of the last year. So use January to do just that, allowing your mind and body to ease into the new year with minimum trauma. Taper off the alcohol but don’t turn the tap off completely. Eat healthy as far as possible but allow yourself a slice of the leftover Christmas cake when the urge overcomes you. Cut down on calories gradually by all means, but don’t tip over into exclusionary-diet territory just yet.

That kind of punishing regimen is what February is for.

By the time the second month of the new year rolls around, the memories of those food and alcohol binges that marked your year-end celebrations will have faded somewhat. More crucially, the weather will also have warmed up a tad, so the thought of having another muffin with your cappuccino will not be quite so tempting. And as the stronger sunshine warms up your days, it will become easier to drag yourself out of bed to go jogging around the block or hitting the gym.

So, if you know what’s good for you, press the delay button on your New Year-New Me scheme until you’ve said goodbye to January. Then, when the first day of February dawns, you can get started on improving yourself. 

And here, to help you along, are just some of the things that you can do towards making yourself over in 2020:

• What you eat, how you eat, and when you eat, all of these things make a huge difference to how you feel. So, make this the year of mindful eating. That means focusing on what you are putting in your mouth at breakfast, lunch and dinner. And by that I don’t mean just eating smaller portions and healthier foods, though that is essential too. What I recommend is paying attention to your food while you eat it. Don’t scroll through newspapers when you are eating breakfast; don’t eat lunch at your desk at work while staring at your computer; and don’t have dinner staring at the telly. That kind of mindless eating always results in over-consumption of calories. Instead, sit down at the dining table to have all your meals, taste your food, appreciate it, and give thanks for it. You will end up eating less, and enjoying it a lot more.

• When it comes to exercise, don’t set yourself too ambitious a target. That way, you won’t feel disheartened when you fail to meet it. Instead, set yourself incremental goals, so that you can go from one level to another when you are good and ready. For instance, start by incorporating a ten-minute jog in your daily walk and then increase it as your fitness improves. If you can’t take an hour out at any one time during the day, break up your fitness routine into three 20-minute bits that you slot whenever you have the time. 


• But whatever you do, pay as much attention to your mind as you do to your body this year. Spend at least ten minutes first thing in the morning and last thing at night in silence, flushing your mind clear of all the detritus that clogs it. Rediscover the lost art of concentrating on one single thing, instead of being distracted by all the stuff unfolding around us. (That means no replying to emails when you are having dinner with the family; no scrolling through Twitter when you are reading a book; and most certainly no surfing the Internet when you are allegedly working.) 

And while you’re at it, be mindful of other people as well instead of just being focused on yourself. You will have a better and fuller life as a consequence. And that’s the best New Year gift you can give yourself.

Looking back

The lessons the last decade taught me

There is something about the beginning of a new decade that carries with it the promise of a fresh start. We wake up in the new year thinking about how the following ten years will be – must be, surely! – better and brighter than the decade that just rolled by.

But strangely enough, as I write this on the first day of the New Year and a fresh decade, I find myself looking back on the ten years that went by in a flash, and thinking about all the lessons they taught me. Here, in no particular order of importance, are some of them.

Nothing lasts forever

That applies to the highs and lows; to the good days and the bad days; to victories and defeats. No matter how dire things look sometimes, there will always be something better around the corner. Getting there may take a while (or at least seem like it) but in time you will negotiate that turn and get to the good stuff. Make the most of it while you’re at it – because it won’t last forever either. The ups will be followed by the downs, and vice versa; and the only way to cope is to treat them both with equanimity.
  
Patience is not always a virtue

Life is too short…and there’s nothing quite like hitting middle age to get that message loud and clear. This is when you realize that there is no benefit in sticking it out with life situations that leave you feeling both sad and mad in the hope that things may get better. Far better to just cut your losses and run. I have taken that lesson to heart this decade and I apply it ruthlessly in all aspects of my life. I don’t bother to finish books that leave me cold. I don’t socialize with people who infect me with negativity or make me feel bad about myself. And I certainly don’t engage with trolls on social media; I just block them and move on. 

The ability to say no is a superpower 

As an inveterate people-pleaser, I have always had a problem with saying the word ‘no’. It seems so disobliging, so uncivilized even, I always thought. So, because of my propensity to say ‘yes’ to everything and everybody, I always ended up stuck with tasks, projects, parties, friendships, that I would much rather have eschewed. But this decade, I made it my resolution to say ‘no’ whenever I feel like that is the only good response. And that decision transformed my life. I no longer went to parties where I would spend the evening bored out of my skull. I no longer agreed to write pieces if my heart wasn’t truly into them. I no longer agreed to do favours for people simply because it was the path of least resistance. I won’t lie; it was tough at first. But once I got into the spirit of things, it was truly liberating.

Working in small increments gets the job done

I had been toying with the idea of writing a thriller based on the world of Indian politics ever since the beginning of the last decade. But when I finally signed a contract, promising to deliver a 1,00,000 words manuscript in a year’s time, I went straight back home for a lie-down. I wasn’t sure how I was going to achieve this in the time period involved. But after I stopped hyperventilating, I decided to do some quick back-of-the envelope calculations. I needed to write 20 chapters in 12 months; each chapter would be between 4,000 to 5,000 words; so even if I wrote 700 words a day I could meet my deadline, and get a few days off as well. Well, that’s just what I did, concentrating on my daily deadline and not thinking too far ahead into the future. And sure enough, by the end of 12 months, my first political thriller, Race Course Road, was ready for publication (though I had overshot the mark by writing around 1,25,000 words!) I am currently applying the same principles to the sequel I am working on – will keep you posted on how that goes.

Friends come in all shapes and sizes – and at all ages

I had always believed that the friends you made in your childhood and youth were the ones that lasted. And that the older you grew, the harder it became to make new connections, let alone new friends. The last decade proved me wrong in this respect. Yes, I still cherish the friends of my growing-up years, but I have also managed to forge relationships in my middle age with an array of people, none of whom seem to have anything in common (except for me). There are my neighbourhood friends, with whom I discuss the affairs of our colony on our Whatsapp group. There are my Lodi Garden friends, with whom I stop by to exchange fitness tips and a few choice morsels of gossip once we have completed our daily rounds. There are the friends I made on my travels around the world, the people with whom I struck an instant rapport that survives the fact that we can only really keep in touch virtually. And then there my Twitter pals, some of whom have made the transition to IRL (In Real Life) friendship, where we meet offline and have a laugh over the vagaries of the online world.  

There are, of course, plenty of other lessons that the 2010s taught me. And I intend to put them to full use as I negotiate the 2020s. And with that, let me wish you a Happy New Year and a Brilliant New Decade.

Page-turners

Here’s a list of the best books I read this year; you might enjoy some of them

So, it’s that time of year again. The time when I look back on the last 12 months through the prism of my reading list and compile my own list of Top Reads of The Year for you. Needless to say, this list is completely arbitrary, totally subjective, and entirely a creature of my personal preferences when it comes to authors and genres. That said, I am a pretty promiscuous reader, so am pretty sure there will something in there for everyone. Read on – and then, read on again. 

The New Girl
Daniel Silva

Regular readers of this column will know just how big a fan of Daniel Silva I am. And I am happy to report that after a couple of formulaic turns, Silva is back on cracking form. The Other Woman, which came out last year, was a rollercoaster ride in the best sense. And this year’s offering, The New Girl, is even better. Written with one eye on cable news and with a main character clearly based on the Saudi Prince Mohammad Bin Salman – who enters into an unlikely alliance with Israeli avenging angel, Gabriel Allon – this thriller will keep you up at night, turning page after page until you come to that very unexpected end. Sorry, no spoilers. You’re going to have to find out for yourself. 

After The End
Clare Mackintosh

This is a bit of a departure for Mackintosh, who usually excels in murder mysteries and psychological dramas with a twist that no one ever sees coming. This tells the story of a couple with a terminally sick child, who can’t come to an agreement on how his medical treatment should go. Even though they love and respect one another, they can’t see each other’s point of view in this case. And as their relationship unravels under the strain, we are forced to ask ourselves some fundamental questions about the human condition. What is love? And how far will you – and should you – go to keep someone you love alive?

Fleishman Is In Trouble
Taffy Brodesser-Akner

Divorce, dating, depression, this has it all. The Fleishman of the title is in the throes of a divorce battle with his high-flying wife, who appears to have abandoned him (and their children) to go off on some sort of retreat. As he deals with being dumped, he seeks solace in Internet dating sites and is astounded by just how much sex is on offer – and how many women are willing to have sex with him. But, of course, sex is never simple, and love is always complicated. And oh yes, it is far from clear which of the two Fleishmans is the one in trouble. 

Three Women
Lisa Taddeo

This non-fiction book delves into the intricacies of female sexual desire by following the stories of three women. Lina, a homemaker and mother of two, whose marriage has become a passion-free zone, seeks solace in an affair; Maggie, a 17 year old high school student who allegedly had an affair with her married English teacher; amd Sloane, a restaurant owner married to a man who likes to watch her have sex with other people (both men and women). But this is far from a salacious – or even erotic – read. Taddeo spent eight years covering the lives of these women. And she tells their stories with empathy, nuance, and a deep understanding of the impulses that govern them. 

A Beginner’s Guide to Japan: Observations and Provocations
Pico Iyer

Japan remains one of the most mysterious civilizations on earth. My lasting memory of the country on the one trip I made there is of a culture that was sophisticated, mired in good manners, and yes essentially opaque to the rest of us. Pico Iyer, who has lived there for decades (he famously wrote The Lady And The Monk about falling in love with a Japanese woman – whom he later married), has a better understanding of it than most people. And his new book, aptly titled A Beginner’s Guide, is brilliant because it captures the contradictions of Japanese society without trying to make sense of them. Written as a series of short vignettes, it is both profound and affecting.


Inside Out: A Memoir
Demi Moore

I am usually not one for celebrity autobiographies – which tend to be self-serving and self-involved in equal measure – so I almost didn’t read Demi’s Moore’s account of her life. I mean, who needs to know more details about her break-ups with Bruce Willis and Ashton Kutcher than have already appeared in the gossip magazines? Certainly not me. But I overcame my reservations and started reading – and was hooked. This is an (often brutally) honest memoir by a woman who has often been dismissed as being hard and grasping (‘Gimme Moore’ she was dubbed at one point). But the recounting of her hardscrabble, dysfunctional childhood makes us understand her motivations, and Demi herself, a little better.

Me
Elton John 

Yes, I know I said I didn’t really do autobiographies – and here I am, recommending two. But what can I say? It’s been that kind of year. And Elton John’s memoir of his life is gloriously candid and self-deprecating, in a way that celebrity autobiographies rarely are. It is all in here: the drunkenness, the drug-taking, the tantrums, the libel suits, the heartbreaks, and of course, the hit-making. Even if you have no interest in his music, this is worth a read.