Travelling light

How do our fictional heroes and heroines manage to holiday with just one tiny carry-on?

 

There are many things that are completely unrealistic about movies and TV shows: how the hero/heroine always finds a cab cruising by conveniently when they need to follow someone; how all the women wake up with perfect hair; how the children never ever get truly messed up no matter how long they play in the garden.

 

But the one thing that strikes me as most unrealistic of all is when I see people packing to go on vacation. Without fail, they take one small wheelie bag and a tiny carry-on, which in itself is not worthy of comment. But once they get to their destination, they unveil a wardrobe that could not possibly fit into even two large suitcases. They never repeat an outfit; they have matching shoes and bags with every change; they show off more costume jewelry that you can shake a cocktail ring at. And if it is winter, they manage to pack more than one overcoat and a range of jackets, thus defying the very laws of physics. 

 

Given that we mere mortals could never do that, I think we should give up aspiring to travel as ‘light’ as our fictional heroes and heroines do. Yes, I know, all the fashion magazines never tire of running articles on how you can travel with just one bag by packing clothes that go effortlessly “from day to night” with the addition of a sparkly scarf or a pair of glittery heels. Well, if you can do that, then you are a better person than me. I am afraid I can’t manage without cramming a giant suitcase to the brim and then stuffing in a hold-all that I break out on the return journey for my dirty laundry and any new purchases I make.

 

Of late, though, I have been shamed into packing a bit lighter, after a particularly embarrassing episode when I couldn’t quite lift my suitcase off the carousel and needed the help of two able-bodied men to help me wrestle it onto my trolley. So, just in case you need the tips, here’s how I managed to lighten my load.

 

·       I know it’s a bit of a palaver to wear boots at the airport and have to take them off at security, but given that they weigh down your suitcase, it’s best to keep them on when you travel. Ditto, heavy jackets and overcoats.

·       I can’t do without my brand of shampoo and conditioner, not to mention my various lotions and potions. But instead of carrying the full bottles, I make do with sachets or small bottles into which I decant tiny amounts that will last my trip.

·       No physical books go into my bag; instead I download all I want to read on my Kindle. I leave my laptop behind, carrying just a lightweight tablet just in case I need to do some writing.

·       Sticking to one colour palette when packing clothes is a huge help because you only need to carry one pair of shoes and one handbag that will go with everything.

·       I can’t do without my Dyson airwrap entirely but I have pared down the number of accessories I travel with. And my portable steamer stays home; a few wrinkles are a small price to pay for a lighter bag.

 

The Dinner Party Pest

Here is how you identify him -- or her 

 

I am not a great one for dinner parties but, of late, I have ended up going to quite a few on the trot. And on each and every one occasion, I have encountered the bane of my existence: the Dinner Party Pest (DPP). You know who I am talking about, don’t you. Well, in case you don’t, here’s a quick checklist to help you identify him or her next time you are out and about. 

 

·       There is always that one person who ruins your mood the moment you enter by asking, with faux concern, “You are looking a bit tired, everything okay?” There is nothing more demoralizing than being told that you look ‘tired’ when you are anything but – and when you have spent time and energy on trying to look your best. I find this kind of opening even worse than that other great standard that DPPs often use: “Gosh, you’ve lost so much weight! You must tell me your secret.” The secret, of course, is that you weigh exactly the same as you did the last time you met them; but now you know they think you are fat. Charming!

·       The DPP always tries to suss out your social standing by asking within the first few minutes of meeting you: “Where do you live?” And then, depending on your answer he or she decides if you are worth his or her time. If you’re lucky, you won’t make the cut. If you are not, then you are in for a long and tedious conversation that will leave you gagging for another drink.

·       I often turn down offers of second and third helpings with the explanation that I am diabetic and need to watch what I am eating. That announcement is usually enough to make even the most generous host back off. But sadly, it propels the DPP in attendance into action. This person (who has no medical expertise, whatsoever) now thinks that it is entirely acceptable to lecture me on how to “reverse my diabetes” through diet and exercise and give up on the medicines that have been prescribed by my (highly regarded) doctor who actually knows a thing or two about endocrinology. Honestly, it’s enough to make me want to drown my annoyance in a vat of ice-cream.

·       The DPP also has an interesting line in intrusive questions. It could range from asking if you have had Botox to asking how much your house is worth in the current market. Women of a certain age will be asked why they aren’t married yet, or if they are married, why they haven’t had children yet. It doesn’t matter how slight your acquaintance is, the probing questions will keep coming, with no topic being off-limits.

·       The most lethal sample of this breed is the person who combines the worst qualities of the DPP with that of the Dinner Party Bore (DPB). This person will buttonhole you to bore you death with his or her views on every conceivable topic under the sun, completely oblivious of the fact that your eyes began glazing over with boredom a good half an hour ago. If you are stuck with one of these, good luck with trying to extricate yourself from the conversation. You will need it!

 

Have money, will travel

Travelling while middle-aged comes with its own challenges

One of the ironies of life is that when you are young you never have enough money to travel far and wide, even though that is when you have the energy to make the most of your forays away from home. In most cases, it is only when you are middle-aged that you finally have the disposable income to set out to see the world. But by then, your energy levels have depleted somewhat, your back aches, your knees creak, and exhaustion hits you faster than it ever did in your youth. 

Well, that is certainly true in my case. And in case you are in the same boat (or plane) here are some tips to make travelling a little easier on your body. 

• First off, be very judicious about choosing your flight. If there is a direct connection to your destination take it, even if it is a little more expensive. The trade-off (in terms of negotiating just two airports) will be worth it. Try and take a day time flight even if it means paying for one more hotel night. Night flights leave you weary and bleary and ruin the first day of your vacation anyway, so this makes logical sense. If you have reward points use them to upgrade yourself on long sectors; the extra comfort will make sure you start your vacation feeling rested and raring to go. 
• When planning your itinerary don’t do too many things that involve physical activity on the same day. If you are spending a couple of hours traipsing through museums and monuments then schedule something restful for the rest of the day: some time spent in a beautiful park watching the world go by; a meal in a scenic spot; or even a double decker bus ride that takes your across the city with no effort on your part at all. In other words, pace yourself. If you don’t, you run the very real risk of burning out even before the vacation is over. 
• Take comfortable shoes. I cannot stress this enough. The wrong pair of shoes can ruin your vacation, leaving you limping and in pain for the rest of your break. So forget about stylish heels and don’t even think about stilettos. Instead, choose your most broken-in pair of shoes, pack enough socks so that you have a fresh pair every day, and you will be good to go. 
• Pack a medicine kit that takes in every eventuality. In addition to antihistamines and paracetamol I always pack some antibiotics because Indian prescriptions are often not recognised by pharmacies abroad. And not to be a bore on the subject but make two bags of essential medicines. Keep one in your hand bag and the other in your check-in suitcase. That way, even if your luggage goes missing, your medicines will not. 

Once you have these basics addressed go right ahead and enjoy your holiday. You deserve every moment of joy and wonder that comes your way. God knows, you have worked long and hard for it. 

Italian Indian, Bhai Bhai

 The similarities between the two countries are hard to miss

It was while standing in line to board an aircraft at an Italian airport that the thought first occurred to me. As the crowd built up behind me I could hear many raised voices having animated conversations on their cellphones without a care as to who was listening in. And in about 15 minutes what had been an orderly queue when we started out had turned into an amorphous mass of people. 

Honestly, I thought to myself, I could be back in India! There was the same lack of awareness that we were in a public space and that it wouldn’t do to disturb the peace of other people. And there was the same cheerful flouting of boring old rules like standing in a line while waiting. 

The more I thought I about it the more I became convinced that Indians and Italians are really the same people. And not just in terms of their common disregard for any kind of civic discipline (anyone who has driven in Delhi will feel right at home on the streets of Rome!) but in more positive ways as well. 

Take our attitudes to family. Both in Italy and India, the family is regarded as near sacred. There is respect for elders (and not just those who belong to your family), there is affection for young adults, and adoration of all children. You only have to dine in small Italian restaurants to see that multigenerational families are as common here as they are in India. And just like Indians, no Italian can resist the charms of a chubby baby. There will be much cooing and cuddling and cosseting — and that is just the wait staff. Nobody will give you dirty looks if your baby cries either; instead they will lining up to help quieten him or her down. 

The Italian attitude to food is much the same as the Indian one. There is the same love of carbs (pizza and paratha), the same affinity for deep-frying (arancini and pakoras), the same dependence on milk products (cheese and dahi), the same taste for intense sweetness when it comes to dessert (affogato and kheer). Indians have yet to develop the same devotion for a nice glass of Prosecco but I think we will get there eventually. 

When it comes to hospitality, there are the same parallels. The welcome you get in an Italian home is very similar to the one you can expect in an Indian one. The table will be laden with more dishes than you could possibly do justice do; the hosts will entreat you to have second or even third helpings; and the drinks will keep coming even when you are ready to give up. 

But the greatest similarity between Indians and Italians is this: never do they feel more Indian and Italian than when they are out of their respective countries. While in Italy, they may define themselves as being from Napoli or Venezia, they may differentiate between the north and the south. But the moment they leave their country, they became ‘Italians’. The same is true of Indians. All those differences between Gujaratis and Punjabis and north and south India collapse the moment we leave our borders. Then we are all Indians together. 

So, if you needed another reason to visit Italy, here it is: we really are the same people!