What Men Don’t Know About Women

• When she asks, “Does my bum look big in this”, she doesn’t want your considered opinion. She just wants you to tell her that it doesn’t. So, don’t stare closely at her derriere, look thoughtful or even pause for a nanosecond. Just say no.
• She may insist on paying her half of the dinner bill. But that doesn’t mean that she appreciates having the door bang shut on her face as she leaves the restaurant.
• When she says that she doesn’t want a huge fuss made about her birthday, pay no attention. She wants the whole shebang: flowers, breakfast in bed, candle-lit dinner, a gooey chocolate cake that she cuts into as you sing `Happy Birthday’ and a nice (read expensive) present she can show off to her girlfriends the next day.
• If she is silent for a long time, don’t think that she is engrossed in the serial playing on television. She is sulking about something and with every passing moment is getting more and more annoyed that you haven’t noticed.
• When you ask and she says that nothing is the matter, it means that something is the matter.
• It doesn’t matter how long you have been in a relationship. It is never acceptable to draw attention to her facial or bodily hair or enquire into her hair-removal regimen.
• Why does she need another pair of black heels? There are already around ten pairs nestling in her closet. What can she possibly do with so many shoes? All these questions may be bouncing around in your head but don’t ever voice them. Chances are that even if she explained you would never understand.
• She has locker-room conversations as well – and sometimes they are far more graphic than yours. So if you are on the grapevine, make sure you’re getting good word of mouth.
• No, she doesn’t like watching wrestling on television. And she hates the action movies you keep dragging her to. And once you’re married, she won’t bother to keep up the pretence of enjoying either.
• Don’t ever greet her with a cheery, “My God, you’ve lost a lot of weight” even if she seems to have dropped two dress sizes. You may mean it as a compliment, but she will not take it as such. Instead she will begin to wonder just how fat she was to begin with.
• It is okay for her to make fun of your mother. But don’t think that you can ever make fun of hers.
• When she looks at a baby and exclaims, `How cute!’ it doesn’t mean that she wants to rush off and procreate with you instantly. So, there really is no need to bolt.
• If she is playing Domestic Goddess for once and cooking dinner for you, say you love the food even as it turns into ashes in your mouth. She’ll know you’re lying but, boy, will you earn brownie points for it.
• Sometimes when she says she has a headache, she really does have a headache.
• And yes, despite all that moaning and groaning and desperate thrashing about, sometimes she does fake it. Yes, even with you.