First impressions

How to charm your way into a woman's good graces on a first date

Whenever you ask young women what are the top five qualities they are looking for in a man, a good sense of humour always makes the cut. But it now turns out that some, if not many, of these ladies are (gasp!) lying when they say that they are turned on by funny men. A recent study (conducted among speed-dating groups) has concluded that women are not more (or less) attracted to men who make them laugh on the first date. 

 

Now I can’t vouch for the accuracy of this study, so I did the next best thing. I conducted an entirely unscientific study of my own among the young females of my acquaintance, asking them how best a man could impress them on a first date. And here – for the benefit of my young male readers – is what they said.

 

·       Appearances are not everything but at least try to look as if you made an effort. Nobody is asking for manicure-pedicure levels of personal grooming but taking a shower and washing your hair before you set out for a date is always a good idea. (And no, asphyxiating your date with copious quantities of some strong musky fragrance will not get you brownie points.) It helps if your shoes are polished, your shirt is ironed and your jeans are not. 

·        Pay attention to your date. That doesn’t just mean listening to her stories and nodding along at the right moments, or even asking the right questions. Be receptive to non-verbal cues as well. If she shows discomfort when the conversation veers towards a particular topic, for instance, be sensitive enough to steer it in a different situation.

·       Too much information is as off-putting as too little. Nobody needs to know about your exciting sex life as a teenager the first time they meet you (or perhaps ever?). Nor do they have much interest in your power struggles at work with your boss or in interminable stories about your sibling rivalry with your sister.

·       There is a fine balance between trying to get to know your date better and asking invasive questions about her personal life. There will be plenty of time and opportunities later – if all goes well – to ask her when she lost her virginity, or why she broke up with her last boyfriend, or…well, you get the drift. At your first meeting, just ask her about her work, her interests, how she spends her free time. 

·       Don’t diss your ex-wife, ex-partner, or ex-girlfriend. You might think this will endear you to her potential successor, but trust me, it will not. All she will be thinking is that this is how you would be speaking about her if you were to get together and then split up later. Bitter, resentful and hateful is never a good look. 

·       And yes – with due apologies to the study I quoted earlier – do bring your sense of humour along. That doesn’t mean that you need to memorize some good jokes that you can drop into the conversation at regular intervals (that can get really annoying really fast!). All you need to do is laugh at the absurdities of life with your date – and perhaps you will be laughing all the way to the second date if not right up the aisle!