Let's mind our own business

Why do we feel entitled to other people's medical information?

 It was with a curious mix of emotions that I watched the video sent out by Catherine, The Princess of Wales, to announce to the world that she had cancer. There was shock to hear that someone so young and fit had been diagnosed with the disease. There was sorrow that a mother with three small children would have to deal with the depredations that cancer wreaks. And yes, there was shame that a woman had been bullied on a global scale into disclosing a condition that she would have preferred to keep private.

 

And make no mistake. Catherine was pushed into revealing her medical details by a world that had gone stark raving mad speculating about what was wrong with her, where she was, and why wouldn’t she reveal herself to the public. For once, the British media (including the much-derided tabloids) were more discreet, but across the pond, conspiracy theories were the order of the day. Social media is always a cesspit and it didn’t disappoint this time either. But when a late-night talk show host like Stephen Colbert starts clambering aboard the conspiracy wagon, you have to admit that there is something seriously wrong with our world. (The only voice of sanity in this entire mess was Jimmy Kimmel, who asked why we couldn’t leave the Princess alone to recover from what was clearly major abdominal surgery.)

 

Now that Catherine has come forward to announce her condition, I hope all those who were using her as fodder for their social media clout are feeling ashamed of themselves (though I suspect shame is not an emotion they are familiar with). And it wasn’t just Internet trolls who were mocking her for having a Brazilian butt lift. Even normal people – some of whom I even regarded as friends – went down the rabbit hole to speculate that she was a victim of domestic violence or even that she had been killed and the royal family were complicit in some kind of cover-up.

 

I know. It’s batshit crazy. But it seems to be par for the course these days when it comes to ‘celebrity coverage’ in the media. And even if we didn’t indulge ourselves this time round, all of us are guilty to some extent. All of us have participated in this kind of prurience at one time or another, losing sight of the fact that, at the end of the day, there is a human being at the centre of the story.

 

So, what is it that makes us feel that we are entitled to the bodies of others – and to every last bit of information about their bodies? Why must we know what kind of surgery Catherine had? Why is it necessary that she tell us what sort of cancer she was diagnosed with and at what stage? Why must she do her hair and make-up and appear on video to reassure us that she is getting treated, getting stronger, and getting support from her husband? 

 

Why can’t we leave well alone, when it comes to celebrities? Why are we so invested in their lives that we feel that they must share every detail with us? Are our lives really so empty that we needs must fill them with those of others? It really doesn’t bear thinking about.

The Baby Belly

Why is it even considered worthy of comment?

Like much of the world, I allowed myself to get caught up in all that Royal Baby madness. So, along with millions of others, I was watching television to see Prince William and Catherine (no, she does not want to be called Kate), Duchess of Cambridge, emerge from the hospital, cradling their new-born son in their arms. The freshly-minted parents were beaming with pride and joy – as you do when you have just met your first born – and the mother looked absolutely radiant, glowing with good health and happiness, her hair professionally styled to its usual Middleton-swishiness.

Imagine my surprise then when the media decided to ignore her ear-to-ear smile, her sparkling eyes, and yes, that amazing blow-dry, to focus attention on what they called her ‘baby belly’, that discreet little bump around her waist where she had carried the Prince of Cambridge to term. Social forums like Netmums were delirious with delight that Catherine had chosen this moment to make a point for new mums everywhere: that this was what a post-birth body looked like, and there was no shame or embarrassment in showing it off. In those minutes, as she stood before the gates of Lindo Wing and showed off her baby son as well as her baby belly, she had made millions of women feel better about their own mummy tummys.

Well, if that’s what the Duchess intended to do, full marks to her. But frankly, what amazes – even angers – me is that this is a story at all. Why do we allow society to hardwire these unrealistic images of how a woman’s body should look into our brains, so much so that we are astonished and astounded when we see a new mother put her ‘real’ figure on display?

Here’s a news flash for all you body fascists out there. A woman’s body is not a rubber band (yes, really!). It doesn’t snap back into shape like elastic the moment she has pushed out an 8-pound person out of herself. The uterus take a couple of weeks to subside to its normal size, and the abdominal muscles that have been stretched over nine months, take time to settle down as well. So, it is completely natural for a woman who has given birth to still look, well, pregnant. Call it a baby belly or whatever the heck you want, but that is what every woman’s body looks like after she has squeezed out a brand-new human being out of her.

And yet, we never see these images of post-partum mums in the media, which would give women a realistic idea of what to expect when they are expecting (and after). Instead, we are inundated with pictures of celebrities like Victoria Beckam, who seems to emerge from the birthing suite wearing skinny jeans that show off her impossibly-tiny waist. Or even supermodels like Gisele Bundchen, who showed off her washboard abs in a bikini for a Vogue cover, a mere two months after giving birth. There’s nothing quite like seeing these amazing post-baby figures to make ‘normal’ new mothers feel awful about their bodies and themselves.

Small wonder then, that these days most famous women appear leery of exposing their real selves to the camera soon after giving birth, waiting a couple of months for the baby belly to disappear. And if they do have to make public appearances, they wear loose, flowing dresses so that nobody notices the mummy tummy below.

Even Catherine’s mother-in-law, Princess Diana, emerged from the hospital carrying William, while wearing a tent-like smock, beneath which it was impossible to ascertain her exact shape. So, I guess it was a brave choice for the Duchess to wear a custom-made Jenny Packham dress which was belted just below her bust, drawing attention to the post-baby bump below. And given how intensely she controls her own image, it wasn’t just a happy accident that the dress was designed to draw attention to her gently-swelling stomach.

But however comfortable Catherine may be about her baby belly, not everyone was willing to let the matter rest. The day after Catherine gave birth, the ever-enterprising folk at OK magazine put out a new Royal baby issue with the Duchess on the cover. The headline read “Kate’s post-baby weight loss regime” and went on to add, reassuringly, “She’s super-fit; her stomach will shrink right back”.

The sub-text was all too clear. Now that the sprog’s out, it’s time to hit the gym and regain that waist, Kate. There’s no excuse for looking pregnant even after you’ve given birth. So, get on the treadmill, woman, and don’t spare the crunches.

But, hearteningly, what was even clearer, was the backlash. Social media was abuzz with women (and some men, for good measure) pillorying OK for its cover. British television presenter, Katy Hill, spearheaded a Twitter campaign with the hashtag #dontbuyok, and even tweeted a picture of her own ‘baby belly’ for good measure. OK hastily backtracked and apologized profusely for its so-not-OK coverage.

For me, it brought back memories of all the flak Aishwarya Rai had to endure for her post-baby weight. And how different things could have been if we, in the Indian media, had also launched a campaign to force the bullies off her back. It would have been a lesson for new moms everywhere that it was more important to lose yourself in your new baby than lose that old baby weight.