London calling

The summer capital of India plays host to the rich, the famous and the powerful – at their preferred haunts, of course

If you have been following the Lalit Modi saga (and unless you’ve been hibernating in Siberia I don’t see how you could possibly have missed it) you will be familiar with the long list of Indian celebrities whom he has ‘bumped into’ in London. 

Yes, I know that on the face of it, these claims strain credulity. After all, how many restaurants and clubs does Lalit Modi frequent that he ‘runs into’ some Indian politician or the other whenever he eats out? Is it really possible for one man to have so many ‘accidental’ encounters with the rich and famous of India as he lives the high life in the British capital? 

Well, funnily enough, not only is it entirely possible but it is also very probable. Not because Lalit Modi includes the ability of omnipresence among his many other talents. But because when rich and famous (not to mention, powerful) Indians embark on their annual summer sojourn to London, they all tend to hang out in the same places. And so, inevitably, they tend to hang out with one another as well.

So, in case you’re looking to do a Lalit Modi yourself at some point, here’s a ready reckoner of all the London spots where you can spot the desis from a mile off.

• 51 Buckingham Gate: This is the Taj property located a stone’s throw from Buckingham Palace, which becomes the summer residence of most Indian celebrities. They check into the swish apartments, and then head right down to the lounge area to see which of their friends is already in residence. The courtyard then becomes the Indian adda venue, with masala chai and samosas greasing the rumour mill as it grinds several reputations to shreds. Bollywood seems to prefer The Washington and The Courthouse (which has its own cinema) while ministers choose The Bentley. All three are owned by one of London’s most famous Indians, Joginder Sanger.
• Selfridges/Harrods: These are the department stores of choice for Indians looking for their summer shopping fix. The ones with bigger budgets head for Harrods (though, for some strange reason, the tonier Harvey Nichols never gets a look in) where the personal shoppers zero in on them, recognizing big spenders when they see some. The ones who are looking for better value for their buck head to Selfridges, and then drop into the Oxford Street Marks and Spencer for a quick trawl through the lingerie department. 
• Bond Street: This is the chosen stomping ground for dedicated Indian shoppers (for some reason, they prefer this to Sloane Street, where they hardly ever venture). The most popular stops here are Bottega Veneta and Louis Vuitton (“the range is so much better than they have in India, darling!”) though Emporio Armani sees some action as well. And then, there’s always Bicester Village, the shopping centre in Oxfordshire, which is quite a hit with the Indian crowd. It helps that you can make a day of it, driving past pretty countryside and stopping for a meal along the way.
• The Audley: This pub in Mayfair is taken over by desis every summer evening, as they crowd its outdoor benches for a quick beer or glass of champagne to catch their breath after a busy day. If you stay very quiet, you can pick up some amazing gossip here.
• Clubs: Those who are lucky enough to have well-connected local friends hit the club scene with a vengeance. Harry’s Bar is a particular favourite with some of the mega-rich London Indians, though George is fast catching up. Those with a little more discernment end up at the Dover Street Arts Club, where the food is better than that served at Annabel’s or Tramp.
• Trendy restaurants: This market has been sown up by the Sindhi restaurateur Arjun Waney (who also own the Arts Club: see above). His restaurant empire includes Zuma, La Petite Maison, and the recently-opened Coya, and each of these outlets attracts its fair share of Indian custom. On a good day, you could swear that you were in a happening restaurant in Mumbai or Delhi rather than in Mayfair or Knightsbridge. It helps that the food is always excellent, though the service can be dodgy sometimes.
• Chinese restaurants: Most Indians tend to get a bit fed up of eating Western food every day and begin to long for a kick of spice. So, Chinese food hits exactly the right spot, especially when it is served in the glamorous environs of such restaurants as Hakkasan and Kai. Those who don’t mind slumming it a bit head to Royal China.
• And once the vacation is done and dusted, where does the Indian contingent gather to share holiday stories? Why, they congregate at the Jet Airways First Class lounge (it’s actually owned by a Middle-Eastern airline but used by Jet; but why split hairs?), as they wait to board their flights back to India. Those who still haven’t had their fill of shopping head off to the duty-free shops. Those who have had enough settle down with a gin and tonic or a glass of wine and swap stories of how utterly fabulous London has been. Whether or not they bumped into the ubiquitous Lalit Modi is another matter entirely!

The heat is on...

There's much to hate about an Indian summer; but it does come with its own compensations

Yes, everyone hates a good summer. Well, at least, in India we do. And anyone who has lived through a summer in this country will know exactly why.

This is that time of year when it's so hot that it is impossible to even cool down with a cold shower. It doesn't matter that your geyser has been turned off for months. The moment you turn the faucet on, boiling water, which has been steadily heating up in the overhead tank, rains down to scald your head and shoulders. And as you emerge, all pink and red like a boiled lobster, you begin to wonder why you even bothered; you are sweaty again in a matter of seconds.

This is the time of year when the sun is so hot that even the tar on the roads melts under its assault; so what chance do we mere mortals stand? This is when tempers fray, when road rage leads to people actually killing each other, sometimes over something as minor as a parking dispute.

Yes, there is a lot to hate about the Indian summer. But funnily enough, that’s not why I detest this season with a deep and abiding passion. The reasons behind my loathing are entirely different.

The thing that really gets me got under the collar (apart from the heat, of course) is having to listen to people endlessly moaning and groaning and whining and whinging about the heat. Because whenever the mercury soars, so do the number of social media posts about HOW HOT it is! Oh my God, it really is HOT!

Well, what did you bloody expect? You are in the middle of an Indian summer. The mercury will hit the 40-degree mark and even go a tad above occasionally. The scorching sun will beat down on your mercilessly. Going outdoors will seem like stepping into an oven. And when the pre-monsoon showers hit, the humidity will add to your woes. But that is how it always was. That's how it is. And that's how it will always be. Deal with it. Or, as the saying goes, if you can't stand the heat, get out of the bloody furnace.

The only people who get a free pass on the complaining front are those who actually do spend time outdoors, doing all the jobs that we would never deign to: the security guards, the traffic cops, the drivers, the scooterwallahs, those running street-side stalls and the like, who roast in the sun all through the day. If they want to moan, they have earned the right to do so, one sunstroke attack at a time. But if you go from an air-conditioned house to an air-conditioned office in your air-conditioned car, then sorry, you really have no business complaining.

The only people who are more annoying than those who gripe ceaselessly about the heat are the once who have travelled to cooler climes to escape the hell that is the Indian summer. No, it's not enough for these people to just enjoy the balmy weather wherever the hell it is that they have decamped to. And they certainly don't have the decency to draw a discreet veil over their lovely little vacations in the Swiss Alps, the French Riviera, or whichever is the trendy summer destination of the moment.

Oh no, that would not do at all. They have to rub their privileged lives in our faces by posting pictures of all the amazing things they are getting up to while we gently roast in India. There they are, skiing down the mountains, drinking champagne at the seaside, or even dining al fresco in scenic locations. It's enough to make your head explode (and not because of the heat, either).

But that's not to say that the season is entirely without its compensations. This is the time of year when the laburnum erupts in all its bright yellow glory, brightening up the streets and bringing a smile to our faces. This is when the king of fruits fills up our shops, so that we can gorge on it to our hearts content. No silly! I'm not talking about the mango. It's the lychee that scores. (Do try and keep up!) Not that I have anything against the mango, it’s nice enough diced up neatly for dessert. Though, I must confess, the only way I can truly enjoy one is to create a tidy little puncture hole on top and suck the juice out slowly but surely. And getting my teeth stuck onto the pulpy core is an added bonus.

This is the time when you can show off your pretty pedicure in strappy sandals, freeing your feet from their months-long bondage in winter boots. This is when you can bring out your cotton saris from hibernation and use their soft waves to shelter your from the blazing sun. This is when you can go back to swimming in the pool, letting the cool water soothe your heat-wrecked body.

Yes, an Indian summer can be hard on those who have to live through it, but it has its compensations. So how about, just for a change, we count our blessings rather than our tabulate our troubles?