Thanking your stars

Take a moment out to count your blessings; you will feel much happier for it

I think it would be fair to say that we live in an age of outrage. And in an age of anger, resentment and fear. Outrage about the state of the world; anger about the fact people hold opinions different from ours; resentment that things aren't working out exactly as we would like them to; and fear of what the future holds.

As a consequence our daily lives are eked out amid a litany of complaints. There are too many refugees knocking at the door of our safe, prosperous societies. There is entirely too much 'appeasement' of 'minorities' (yes, we all know what that is code for). Young people no longer bother to respect their elders. And what do young women think they are doing, dressing in all those tight jeans and short skirts?

I must admit to having being caught up in the outrage machine myself. Just over the last few months I have found myself fulminating on social media on topics ranging from President Trump's now-infamous Access Hollywood tape (the one in which he talks about grabbing women by a certain body part) to the outrageous behaviour of Shiv Sena MP, Ravindra Gaikwad, who was so incensed at not being given a Business Class seat on an all-Economy flight (I kid you not) that he attacked an Air India manager, proudly boasting afterwards that he "beat him 25 times with a chappal".

And you know what? It is an exhausting business. Firing off angry tweets, writing fiery Facebook updates, posting snarky comments, and so on and so forth. And what purpose does that serve? Not only are we eaten up with negativity about the rest of the world, we also end up being angry, depressed and dissatisfied about our own lives.

Well, I don't know about you, but I am tired of living like this. So, in an effort to look past all that is awful and actively search for the good, I have decided to keep what I call a 'gratitude journal'. At the end of every day, I take five minutes to make a quick note about one thing that happened in the course of the day that made me feel grateful for my blessings.

I began this enterprise only a month ago but already reading back through my entries makes me feel better about myself, my life, and even life in general. In case this strikes you as a good idea, here's a tiny glimpse into my gratitude journal, to inspire you to start your own.

* The Tesu trees that dot my street are in full bloom. The red flowers against the brilliant blue spring sky make even the thought of the coming scorching summer seem bearable. And yes, they are so eminently Instagram-able. (Not to mention, they remind me that the Laburnum season is just around the corner. Joy!)

* An unfamiliar number flashes on my phone screen. Am tempted to ignore it. Must be another telemarketer, I tell myself. But some instinct makes me take the call. It's an old friend, who I met on my first job. She has since moved to America and is in India for a couple of days (though not in my town, alas!). We chat, we laugh, we catch up on our lives, we make plans to see each other soon. And I feel so much better when I hang up. Old friends. Something to be truly grateful for.

* Clearing out my cupboard, I stumble upon an envelope of old pictures. My two young nieces on a visit to Calcutta. There we are, perched on one of the many branches of the famous Banyan tree at the Botanical Gardens, laughing our heads off at some long-forgotten joke. And just like that I am carefree college kid again, with not a care in the world. You really can't put a price on that.

* Sunday mornings are the day to experiment with breakfast options. This week, it will be a besan ka pura (or chilla, or whatever you call it in your parts) like my mom used to make. I put together the ingredients from memory, try and get the exact degree of crispness that she managed so effortlessly. And guess what? It's absolutely perfect. The taste of my childhood in every delicious mouthful. Somewhere up there, my mother must be smiling.

* After laying off my Pilates/Yoga routine for a couple of months (bad back, with an old injury flaring up, since you ask), I have been easing myself back into it slowly. It's been hard going. The flexibility that takes months to build up can disappear in a matter of days. So, you can imagine my delight when this morning, for the first time in weeks, I managed to go from cat stretch to downward dog to cobra pose without having to pause for breath. I know it doesn't sound like much to all you exercise freaks out there. But for me, it was a moment of celebration.

At the end of the day, I have come to believe, it is in these tiny moments of joy that true happiness lies. And I am so grateful for each such moment in my life that I have decided to document it. For me, this is like creating a little piggy bank of happiness that I can dip into whenever I am feeling depressed or dejected. And I could not recommend it more highly.

On your knees!

When the chaos of the world threatens to overwhelm, it is time to count your blessings

My guess is that this Sunday morning, as you sit down with your first cup of chai/coffee, you are a wee bit fed up of all the bad news that seems to be playing out on surround sound in our world. The Sensex has crashed, Pakistan persists in sending terrorists across to India, onion prices keep soaring into the stratosphere, the monsoon is failing, and murder mysteries get murkier and murkier with every re-telling. 

But in case the universe seems to have stopped making sense, pause for a minute, breathe in, exhale, and take a minute to count your blessings. For that’s what I intend to do this morning: tot up all the many things that I have to be thankful for. Feel free to join in; trust me, it will make you feel much better about yourself and the world we live in.

Okay, first up is health. If you are on the wrong side of forty, you may have a few niggling worries on that score. Your cholesterol count may be high, your blood pressure may be elevated slightly, your knees and back giving you a bit of trouble, and sore on and sore forth. But step back and look at the bigger picture. You are still alive and kicking. You haven’t lost the use of your limbs or indeed your brain. The rest of it is just detail, which can be ironed out with a new fitness regime. So render thanks for the fact that you are still around – and still standing (if only just!).

A close second comes family. It doesn’t matter how big or small this is, whether it is extended or nuclear, dysfunctional or perfect, related by blood or marriage. As long as there are people in it who love you and are, in turn, loved by you, there is a lot to be thankful for. You may be in daily touch with them; or you may not have spoken to them in months. But so long as you know that there are people out there who care for you and will drop everything to be by your side if you need them (as you would for them) then you are blessed indeed. 

Next up are your friends. No, not the ones you list on Facebook, whose status updates and pictures you faithfully ‘like’ every time you log on. Not the ones on Twitter who respond to your every sally with a smiley face emoji. Not the ones you meet on the cocktail circuit, all air kisses and false intimacy. Not the ones who are cultivating you for whatever benefit they can leech off you, all the while telling you how absolutely amazing you are. No, not those ‘friends’.

The friends you should be grateful for are the ones who see you for what you are, accept you with all your flaws, and love and support you regardless. These are the ones who will answer truthfully when you ask if you ass looks enormous in these jeans. They are the ones who will pick up the phone at 3 am in the morning if you find yourself in a spot of bother. They are the ones who will attack you to your face and defend you behind your back (rather than the other way round). If you have even one of those then consider yourself truly blessed.

That’s the big stuff. But there is also a lot of small stuff that makes us feel truly blessed, if only we would stop to think about. In my case, the list goes something like this:

• A room of my own: That was something I longed for growing up as the youngest in a joint family. The ability to retreat into a space that was completely my own, where nobody could intrude without my express permission. A place where I could be alone with my thoughts, my books, my music, or simply with myself. When I finally moved to another city to live on my own, the sense of freedom I felt was something quite indescribable. Even today, when I no longer live alone, it feels like a blessing to be able to retreat into my own space when I want to.
• Books, books, and books: I often think that if I were ever to wash up on a deserted island, I would be quite content so long as it had a stash of my favourite books and a soft pillow to rest my head on! But more seriously, while I could easily cope without a TV or even an internet connection, even the thought of living in a world without books sends a shiver up my spine.
• An evening at home: The social whirl is not for me. My idea of the perfect evening is pottering around in the kitchen to make something simple for dinner, eating it with family as we chat about the day, following up with some quality time with a box set of one of my favourite TV shows, and then reading myself to sleep. And, of course, counting my blessings, as the lights go out.