When things go wrong...

 Try these trusted remedies to get you through

It happens to all of us at one time or another. Everything around us seems to be going wrong. The weather is terrible; the water supply is erratic; your child has a toothache that is keeping him up all night; your demanding boss insists that you come in to work even when the city roads are flooded after a thunderstorm. 

In addition to all these domestic travails, the world seems to be going to hell in a handbasket. There is no sign that the war in Ukraine will end anytime soon; the Israel-Gaza conflict goes from bad to worse; the next President of the United States — and leader of the free world — will be a doddering old man not in complete charge of his faculties no matter which of the two candidates is elected. 

Who would not feel depressed and despondent at a moment in time like this? Well, I certainly do. And my only recourse in this situation is to try and take solace in small pleasures, looking for teeny-tiny things that will bring me cheer - no matter how momentary. Here is just a small sample of things that help me get through the day.

• A comfort read: This is not the time to start a complicated or demanding book that requires all my powers of concentration. So I fall back on the books that have brought me joy over the years. Jane Austen always does the trick as does Georgette Heyer. And Agatha Christie is another trusty standby that I take recourse to on days that leave me drained. 
• Pottering around in the kitchen: I find that after a long day there is nothing quite as de-stressing as putting a simple meal together. Just cutting the vegetables for a stir fry or stirring the rice for a risotto can be a meditative exercise that exerts a calming influence on my mind. (Word of caution: don’t mess around with too ambitious a recipe; it will leave you more stressed than ever!)
• Spending time with toddlers: I am fortunate enough to have a couple in my immediate family and there is nothing more relaxing that watching them laugh, play and interact with one another, forging bonds that will hopefully last them a lifetime. 
• The weather is Delhi is so vicious these days that there is no question of spending time in parks (which is one of my favourite things to do). So I do the next best thing. Instead of watching such series as Bridgerton and Heeramandi, I spend my evening watching travel shows. I have traipsed across the Mediterranean with Jamie Oliver; wandered down the Silk Route with Joanna Lumley; and marvelled at the beauty of south India with Rick Stein. There is nothing quite like losing yourself in another world when your own seems to be in a state of collapse. 
• And finally, the biggest stress-buster of all before I end my day is the 10 minutes or so I spent on doing my nightly Wordle. The rush I get when I can guess the word in three tries or less is enough to get me in the right mood for a good night’s sleep. And tomorrow, as they say, is another day! 

Smiles to go... 


Sometimes it is the strangest things that bring them to our lips

A baby’s smile is a thing of beauty. The lips are raised upwards in delight, the eyes light up, the nose crinkles just so, and an infectious gurgle emerges from those toothless gums. Who could possibly resist? Not me. Inevitably I find myself grinning back, cooing and gurgling and indulging in the kind of demented baby talk that all adults are reduced to when confronted with a smiling infant.

Yes, a baby’s smile can light up your day. But I often wonder what makes babies smile in the first place. Okay, when they are very young, it is probably gas. But once they begin to take in the world a little what makes their faces light up with delight ever so often? What do they find so amusing as they chortle away in their cribs? Why is it that some games make them giggle irrepressibly and others leave them cold? (And how can they possibly go from full-throated laughter to high-pitched crying in a manner of seconds?) 

With adults, it’s relatively easy to anticipate what will bring on the smiles. A fulsome compliment; an thoughtful present; a funny sequence in a movie; a witty one-liner in a TV sitcom; a great new haircut; your kid’s performance at the school concert; a long-awaited promotion; an unexpected raise; a wonderful meal; the list is long and predictable. There are as many smiles as there are occasions that bring them on. There are the social smiles that we plaster on whenever we are out and about in company. They may be just a social grimace which doesn’t quite reach our eyes, but they are smiles for all that.

There are the fake smiles that we immediately assume when a camera lens is trained on us, carefully calibrated so that we look happy rather than chubby. There are the smiles that we use to convey derision; the smiles we employ to express sarcasm; and the smiles we flash to show contempt.

And then there are the genuine ones that transform our entire beings with the happiness that lies behind them. A mother’s smile as she looks down on her suckling infant; a writer’s smile when he or she comes up with a particularly felicitous phrase; a father’s grin when his son finally manages to dispatch one of his medium-pace deliveries to beyond the square leg fence; a girl’s smile when her boyfriend surprises her with a ring; a child’s smile when his mother finally comes home after a long day at the office.

On occasion, our smiles break through against our better judgement. It probably makes me a callous so-and-so but I can’t help smiling whenever I watch someone stumble or fall. (In my defence, I giggle uncontrollably even if the person taking a pratfall is me.) I find myself smiling (but only in my head) when particularly pretentious people of my acquaintance mispronounce French or Italian words in an attempt to establish their credentials as polyglots. And no matter how politically incorrect the joke I can’t help smiling at the punch line (I call it reflexive politeness to make myself feel better).

Sometimes, though, it is the darnedest things that make me smile. Rummaging through an old handbag and stumbling upon a 100 rupee note tucked away in the lining; having an old favourite from the 60s start playing on the radio as I wait at a traffic light; the smell of wet earth as the first rains hit the parched ground; finding a childhood picture of a family holiday tucked away in a book; the sight of a dog gambolling on the street; the first sip of a strong cup of coffee as I start the day; my little niece slipping her hand into mine.

I guess it’s true what they say. Happiness does lie in the details. And the only way to go through life is to snatch little moments of joy as and when you can, without obsessing too much about the big picture.

Watch the sunset from your balcony. Decompress with a walk on the beach. Spend your lunch hour on a park bench reading a book, or simply watching the world go by. Cool off with an ice-cream on a hot summer afternoon. Get your nails done. Gossip with a friend. Wallow in an oil-scented bath at the end of a long day. Put the kids to bed and enjoy a glass of wine (or two) with your spouse.

Take your pleasures when and where you can. Because no matter how small and insignificant they seem, they will bring a smile to your face. And that smile could well light up your world.

Go on, live a little

It’s time we let go of our fears and enjoyed what life has to offer

Have you noticed how all of us seem to live in fear all the time these days? We are scared of getting swine flu; we are frightened of getting on to airplanes in case they fall out of the sky; we are terrified of becoming old and decrepit.

We are scared of getting fat, getting wrinkles, or getting cellulite. We are terrified of failing at our jobs, at our relationships, or at our diets. We are frightened to death of being judged by those around us and found wanting. And we are petrified of failing to meet our own self-imposed standards of perfection.

Hell, it’s got so bad that we live in fear of everything you can think of: all the way from carbon emissions and UV ray exposure to carbohydrates and full-fat cheese.

Well, you know what? We don’t need to live like this. In fact, if we keep the big picture in mind, none of this should matter very much – and very little should matter at all.

It shouldn’t matter if our homes are not in the prescribed five shades of beige. Or that our clothes would never pass the scrutiny of the fashion police. Or even that we are at least five kilos above our ideal weight.

It shouldn’t matter if your neighbours have a nicer car, a bigger house, or even better-behaved children. Or that they go off on vacation twice a year to various luxury hot-spots while you can barely manage a trip to Jaipur. Or even that they serve vintage champagne when they entertain while you can only afford rum punch.

Even if all or any of the above is true, you don’t have to live in fear of being judged. You don’t need to be terrified of being perceived as inadequate. And you certainly shouldn’t be scared that you can never measure up.

It’s more important to enjoy what life has to offer than to torment yourself with what it has withheld from you. It’s much more empowering to live for the moment than live in fear of what the future may bring.

And it’s certainly much more fun to indulge yourself than suffer a life of eternal self-deprivation.

Okay, so it’s not a prescription for a perfect life. But it will certainly be a happier one if you just learn to let go and live a little.

In case you’re game, here are some suggestions that might come in useful.

• Embrace your ordinariness instead of always hankering for being regarded as something special. It doesn’t matter if your drawing room sofa is a bit tatty and the carpet a little worse for wear. It doesn’t matter if you can’t afford to serve a three-course sit-down meal. You can still have your friends over for an earthy biryani washed down with Diet Coke (and some Baskin Robbins ice-cream to follow).
• Learn to accept failure just as you celebrate success. One is an inextricable part of the other and neither can exist in isolation. And there is a real danger that a fear of failure will prevent you from ever risking success.
• Don’t let healthy living become a fetish. It’s a good idea to watch the calories and put in some exercise to stay fit, but don’t let your fitness regimen rule your life. Don’t spend all your free time on the treadmill. And don’t become one of those bores who claims to have a wheat/dairy/gluten allergy and sticks to eating nuts at the office party.
• Keep a sense of perspective. Don’t slip on your sneakers first thing in the morning and head out for a run. Just for once, linger in bed for a little bit, snuggle up to your spouse or your kids, have a leisurely breakfast. It’s probably better for your heart than that all-bran cereal or all that aerobic exercise.
• Slow down and savour the moment. That first sip of your cappuccino; the smell of freshly-cut glass on the lawn; the smile on your mother’s face when you remember her birthday; your daughter’s delight at her first pair of high heels. It’s the small things that make the biggest difference.
• It doesn’t hurt to get down and dirty once in a while. Tuck into those golguppas and papdi chaat at the neighbourhood market. Eat some aloo parathas from the dhaba down the road. Tuck into some jalebis from that roadside vendor. Such occasional – and otherwise forbidden – treats are the best way to build up immunity to all those super-bugs going around.
• Give yourself permission to be less that perfect. There is a reason Demi Moore and Madonna look the way they do, even into their 40s and 50s. They invest a small fortune in cosmetic surgery, they spend hours every day in the gym, and have personal trainers and live-in chefs to keep them toned and trim. You can’t achieve that look of honed perfection unless you’re some sort of genetic freak. So, don’t kill yourself trying.
• And yes, go ahead and order dessert the next time you’re out for dinner. You know you want to.