Friend indeed

Your closest friendships are those you form in school and college

 

I still remember the trepidation I felt when I headed to school on my first day. I didn’t know what school entailed exactly; all I knew was that I was about to be catapulted into an entirely new environment, in which I would know no one. Except that wasn’t precisely true. I was heading to school, determinedly holding hands with my first bestie ever. Kavita Bagga was her name though to me she was always Sweety (her pet name), and the two of us clung to each other like limpets as we made our way through our first few months in school until we finally branched out to make other friends as well.

 

That’s the thing about being a child; it seems the easiest thing in the world to make friends. Put a bunch of kids who don’t know each other in a playground and in a couple of hours’ time they will be happily chatting and laughing (or crying) with one another and making plans to meet again. And that’s true of both toddlers and teenagers; there is something about being young that makes us far more receptive to – and accepting of – friendships. 

 

There is a reason why school and college friendships are among the closest that we ever experience in our lives. This is the time when we are looking to make connections with those around us whose lives are at a similar stage. This is the time when we feel most deeply about issues (blame it on the hormones!) and most intensely about those we care about. This is the time when we find our tribe. And this is about the last time when we have the luxury of spending long hours with our inner circle, deepening our bonds; once we get caught up in work and demands of our own growing family, it becomes impossible to find the hours to develop close friendships. 

 

Unless, of course, you are lucky enough – as I was – to make close friends at your workplace as well. There is a certain camaraderie that forms among office colleagues who are beginning their careers at the same time (though it could easily tip into competition if you are not careful), and those late nights at work can double as bonding sessions as well. Even twenty years after we last shared an office, I am still close with some of my former co-workers, and the segue from colleague to friend has been near-seamless.

 

But now that I have reached my middle age, I find it quite a challenge to expand my friendship circle. With my old friends, we already have a shorthand developed after decades spent laughing and crying together. They have seen me through the lows. They have cheered me on through my highs. We have shared experiences that have calcified as seminal memories of our lives. We can complete each other’s sentences. We can go months without talking, and then pick up effortlessly from where we left off. We offer each other friendship, faith, forgiveness and freedom in equal measure.

 

Could I possibly create bonds like that with someone new I meet at this stage of my life? It may well be possible; but, to be honest, it seems less than probable. Or am I just being close-minded? From where I stand, it’s pretty hard to tell.