Out with the old

We can’t wait to bid goodbye to 2020; but let's do it with style and care

 

It’s only a matter of days before we can kiss goodbye to 2020. And frankly, the end can’t come soon enough for me – and, I’m sure, for the rest of you as well. 

 

It’s been quite a ride, hasn’t it? We’ve been locked down for months thanks to this dreaded pandemic, we have seen Covid wreak its ravages among our friends and families, and some of us have even contracted the virus ourselves and are still combatting its long-term effects. Of course, life has slowly been limping back to normal and we have all rejoiced at the good news that vaccines for coronavirus will be available to us in a matter of months.

 

So, with a bit of luck, 2021 should be a better year than this one has been. And yet, as we countdown to a New Year, our thoughts inevitably turn to how we can bid goodbye to the one we have just lived through.

 

It’s a tricky one, isn’t it? We can’t really party as we do every year-end, getting tipsy and dancing badly to playlists put together by our friends. And it’s a risky proposition to set off for some scenic destination to bring in the New Year, given that we may well be exposed to the virus in the course of our travels. (It really would be a pity to get Covid now, when the vaccine is just within our reach, just because we fancied a holiday on the beach!)

 

All of that is indisputably true. But despite all that, as a race we are genetically programmed to mark the transition into the New Year with some sort of celebration. So, what would be a Covid-safe way to celebrate?

 

Well, first off, it would be a good idea to stay at home this year. Spend the money you have saved by not heading for an overpriced vacation on a decent bottle (or three) of wine or champagne, order in a nice meal (biryani always hits the spot), put on some nice music, and spend the evening snuggling up to your significant other. (Dressing up is not obligatory, but it’s always nice to make an effort.)

 

To be honest, this is how I spent all my New Year’s Eves even before the pandemic hit. No, we were not always at home – those were the halcyon days when you could travel across the world without a thought – but even if my husband and I were dining in fancy restaurants, it was always a deux. And if you ask me, there’s no better way to ring out the old and ring in the new than a quiet, intimate evening with the person you love most in the world.

 

But if you are more sociable than we are, well then, you can expand your guest list just a tad. If you have a bubble going with some friends and family – and you are sure that they have been observing all the Covid protocols – then you can host a soiree at your place. It’s best if you keep this outdoors to reduce the risk of transmission, and keep the numbers down to the bare minimum. And remember, no kissing anyone other than your partner when the clock counts down to midnight.

 

If the prospect of entertaining at home makes you break out in hives, then opt for a staycation. Most city hotels offer packages for the New Year, and you can put together a small group if you want to celebrate with friends or family. There’s always a fancy dinner, with all the trimmings, on offer. But the best part is waking up the next morning, and ordering a slap-up room service breakfast that you can eat in bed. For me, that is the ultimate luxury!

 

And then, there is always the option of going completely old school and marking the New Year with that old staple: the family picnic. The weather is just right to pack some alu parathas, samosas, pakoras, and a flask of tea and coffee and head out to a scenic park near your location, where you can catch a light snooze in the sunlight after stuffing your face.

 

But however you choose to celebrate, here’s wishing all of you a Happy New Year. (Well, it certainly can’t be any worse than this one!).

 

It's a New Year

But it’s still the same old me – and you know what? That’s okay!

It is traditional, I know, to spend the first month of every year thinking of how you are going to spend the next 11 months. Most of us make what we fondly call New Year resolutions, even though we know – based on past experience – that they won’t even last for a few months. And more often that not, these ‘resolutions’ are all about transforming ourselves: becoming thinner; getting fitter, learning new skills, finding a new job, making more money, spending more time with the family, and so on and on and on.

There are very few people who enter the New Year feeling entirely happy about themselves and their lives. Nearly everyone thinks that they could have done better. And so, they swear that this is the year that they will be the best ever version of themselves.

I guess this is the bit where I break it to you that I am not really the one for resolutions, New Year or otherwise. In fact, the older I grow the more absurd I find this universal tendency to treat the 1^st of January as some sort of landmark, a red letter day if you will, which marks a new beginning. And one that we have to mark as some kind of turning point in our lives.

Well, frankly, it doesn’t feel like that to me any more – if it ever did. I am as happy as the next person to party on New Year’s Eve. Or, if I am lucky, take off for a quiet break with my husband during the Christmas/New Year holiday. But I certainly don’t feel like a new person when I wake up on the first day of the New Year. And I most certainly don’t feel the need to reinvent myself as a new person for the New Year.

In case I am coming off as a bit too pleased with myself, let me hasten to assure you that I do not think that I am so perfect that there is no room for improvement. On the contrary, there are so many ways in which I could be a better person that if I listed them all, I would have to carry this column over to the next page (and the Brunch editor, Jamal Shaikh, would never allow me to do that).

So, I’ll just list a few of my shortcomings, just so that you know that I am not a smug so-and-so.

First off, I could do with being a little more even-keeled. I don’t lose my temper very often, and when I do, I recover it rather quickly. But when I do lose my cool, I lose it quite spectacularly, and it’s not a pretty sight. There is a lot of foaming at the mouth, smoke spewing forth from my ears, and my decibel levels would put some of our North Korean anchors to shame. This storm doesn’t last long but while it does, it can seem life-threatening. So, that’s one area I could definitely improve on.

Then, there is my inability to forgive and forget. Yes, yes, I know all those clichés. Carrying a grudge against someone is allowing him/her to live rent-free in your head. You should forgive people – not because they deserve it, but because you do. But while at a rational level, I recognize the truth of this, I find it impossible to forgive those who have let me down or wronged me over the years. I guess I could try and fix this – or I could just forgive myself for being the brooding, vengeful person I am. I am still debating this one in my head.

But my most annoying (to me, at least) personality trait is my propensity to procrastinate. No matter what the task, I find a way to put it off to the last possible minute. When I was writing my book, Race Course Road, I had printed out a schedule for when I would finish every chapter, generously giving myself a couple of weeks to do that. But every day I would look at the calendar, feel a shiver go up my spine as the deadline grew nearer, and then settle down to do something else entirely. It was only when I had absolutely minimal time left did I get down to doing any work. (By the way, this column too is being written just hours before deadline!)

Could I change all this stuff about me? Perhaps. Should I work on being a better person? Maybe. Or should I just carry on being myself and to hell with the rest of the world? Well, that sounds like a plan.

But what does the New Year have to do with any of that? That’s just an arbitrary line in the sand, drawn by a world that is forever looking to celebrate ‘special’ days. Life doesn’t change – and nor do you – just because a New Year dawns.

If you want to change your life or yourself, you can do that any time you wish to. But if you are happy with your life and at peace with yourself, why let the New Year make you feel otherwise?

Happy New Year!

Instead of New Year resolutions, here's my to-do list for 2018

I decided a few years ago that I wasn't going to bother with New Year resolutions any longer. And I find that the decision has served me well. No longer do I psych myself to achieve goals that I inevitably give up on a few months into the year. And nor do I feel that crushing sense of failure when I can't live up to my own expectations. 

So that resolution stands: no more resolutions for the new year. 

This January, however, I have decided that I will mark the advent of 2018 by compiling a to-do list of all that I hope to achieve - or at least work towards - this year. It is a suitably idiosyncratic and wildly varying list, so it may not make the best sense for all of you. But for me, this is just the ticket to make sure that 2018 trumps 2017 by a good margin. 

So, here goes, in no particular order of importance: 

* A couple of bereavements over the last two years have taught me an important lesson: it is never a good idea to leave your stuff behind for other people to deal with. So, with that in mind, I have resolved that this is going to be the year of giving away. Books that I am never going to re-read. Clothes that haven't seen the light of day in 12 months. Costume jewellery that is now too young for me (shoes and bags, ditto). DVDs, knick-knacks, mementos from trips long-forgotten. It all goes. By the time next January rolls around, I hope to have decluttered completely. 

* Of course, all of the above would be useless if I kept on buying more stuff to take the place of what I have given away. So the next item on my to-do list is to buy less. No more shoe-shopping orgies in which I notch up a dozen shoes without even realizing what I am doing. No buying another winter coat when the ones I have in my closet barely get any wear. No more buying physical books unless they're the kind I will want to read again and again (for the rest, the Kindle is a good enough home). And for every single item I buy, I have to get rid of one thing I already possess. That should put a dose of discipline into the proceedings.  

* Talking of books, this is the year when I read more and tweet less (and spend less time on Internet generally). Even those who finish a book a day can only read around 25,000-odd books in their entire lifetime (give or take 70 years). And with every birthday, the number of books that I can realistically read before I depart for the great library in the sky gets less and less. So, it's time to hunker down and devour all the books I always meant to read - but never got around to starting. 

* The year 2017 will always be special to me because I finished my first novel, Race Course Road, in its closing months (it will be released in February this year). And I am hoping I can make 2018 count as well by going back to the manuscript I abandoned half-way to work on this book and getting that across the finish line as well. 

* For the past couple of years, I have been keeping my sugar levels under control by taking long walks when the weather and pollution permits or by joylessly toiling away on my cross-trainer with one eye trained on the television. But that was only until I discovered that I could notch up many more calories burnt and achieve a much higher heart rate if I slipping my earphones in and danced the hour away instead. So, that is going to be my fitness motto for this year: walk less, dance more. (And have much more fun in the process!)

* But while cardio is great for the body, I also intend to nourish my mind. And that's where yoga comes in. No, not the kind in which you push yourself into all kinds of contortions in overheated rooms in the hope of losing weight. But the kind that teaches you to breathe right, shows you how to relax your racing brain, helps your stress levels with the right meditation techniques and allows you to become more in tune with your body and mind. You know the kind that our forefathers used to practice, where you listen to your body and let it lead you instead of trying to beat it into submission. Yes, that's the kind of yoga I am going to immerse myself in this year.

* And then, with a bit of luck, I will be in the right frame of mind to embark on my final - and hopefully, most rewarding - adventure of the year. My own personal rediscovery of Hinduism and the philosophical constructs at the heart of my faith. Given the virulent strands of Hindutva that engulf our public life these days, I think it is more important that ever to do a refresher course in all that Hinduism actually stands for. Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam. The world is one family. That seems like a good place to start. 

Page-turners

As the year comes to a close, here's a list of the best books I read in 2017

Yes, it's that time of year again. When newspapers and magazines begin doing their year-end round-ups. The political highlights of the year. The top ten people of the year. The twenty best places to eat at. The highest-rated holiday destinations. And so on and so forth.

So, in that same spirit of year-end nostalgia, I present to you my own list: the top five books I have read through the year. Needless to say, this is an entirely subjective list, far from comprehensive, and does not include many superb books that came out in 2017. But it is stuff that I read and loved -- and I hope you will read and love too. 

* Little Fires Everywhere: This is Celeste Ng's second novel and it is even more assured than her first, Everything I Never Told You. Set in American suburbia, the story starts with a fire that burns down the home of Richardson family. But the fire is not at the heart of the book, family is. Or rather, families. There are the Richardsons with their picture-perfect house, home to four teenagers. There is peripatetic single mother Mia Warren and her 15-year-old daughter Mia who have a mystery at the centre of their lives. And then, there is a third plot line that involves a custody battle for a baby whose birth mother returns to claim her. It's takes a rare talent to sew all these multiple strands together without losing control of the plot. But Ng is that rare talent, so you are in safe hands.

* Ties: I have to confess that I downloaded this book by Domenico Starnone for ulterior motives. No, not because it has been translated from the Italian by Jhumpa Lahiri (who has also written a foreword). But because Starnone is married to Anita Raja who was recently 'outed' as Elena Ferrante, one of my favorite writers and there had been some speculation that the Neapolitan Novels I so loved were actually the work of Starnone. Well, having read Ties, I have my doubts about that theory. But that said, this book stands up on its own merits, sketching out the life of an ageing couple, with all the indignities of growing old, juxtaposed brilliantly with flashbacks of their young selves. 

* A Legacy of Spies: All the pre-release publicity revolved around how John Le Carre was bringing back George Smiley in this book. But frankly, that was a bit of a red herring. Smiley is referenced constantly through the book but remains offstage, emerging for a cameo at the very end. But that doesn't make this spy thriller (in the loosest sense of the term) any less enjoyable. You have to be a Le Carre aficionado to truly appreciate how the back story is woven in. But even if you are coming to Le Carre for the first time ever, you will be caught up in the sheer skill with which he swings from past to present. Speaking for myself, I was a bit disappointed with the end, but you can read and make up your own mind.

* What Happened: The title doesn't have a question mark at the end but I always hear one as I imagine Hillary Clinton saying in plaintive tones, What the (expletive deleted) Happened? Maybe that's because the author's voice comes through so strongly and clearly as she dissects all that went wrong in her 2016 presidential bid. Many critics have scoffed at the fact that Clinton blames everyone but herself for her electoral loss in this book. But that wasn't how I read it. To me, the book portrayed a woman, who had nothing more to lose, coming clean on how the mistakes she and her campaign made changed the course of American history even as she acknowledged the damage misogyny and sexism had done to her cause. In another decade or so, this will be essential reading for all students of politics. 

* House Of Spies: If you haven't read The Black Widow by Daniel Silva, then drop everything you are doing and read it now. Because Silva's latest, House of Spies, takes off from where The Black Widow left off. The central character is, as always, the legendary Israeli spy, Gabriel Allon, now ensconced at the head of his country's secret service. But even the demands of that job can't keep the intrepid Allon off the field, as he tries to track down and destroy the lynchpin of ISIS, a shadowy character who goes by the name of Saladin. After a momentary dip, when his novels became a tad formulaic, Silva is on top form again, weaving suspenseful stories that will have you up till the early hours of the morning, telling yourself, "Okay, just one more chapter!" Remember, you have been warned. 

Say please!

This year, let’s try and revive that quaint old concept called good manners

The first day of the New Year. What better way to mark it than with a fun family lunch? Well, that was the plan, anyway. But things didn’t quite work out that way. Because the next table was occupied by a large, extended family, which came complete with many small children, all of whom came equipped with their own toy horns. Yes, I kid you not, actual horns, which make the most godawful noise when you blow into them. Which is exactly what these kids did, over and over again.

Ah well, kids will be kids, right? The poor mites, they really don’t know any better. But what about their parents (and grandparents)? Surely, they couldn’t be oblivious to the pained looks being cast in their direction by all the other diners? And there was no way they couldn’t have heard that loud shushing sound emanating from that irate lady at the corner table (well, okay, it was me!).  

But not one adult on that table managed to muster up an embarrassed look. Not one of them stopped stuffing their mouths with butter chicken long enough to admonish the horn-touting children. And it certainly never occurred to them to confiscate the horns from their hyperactive kids so that the rest of us could eat in peace.

Oh no, that would be asking for too much. Because good manners, and a little consideration for others, is not something that you can ever expect from your fellow human beings these days. Everybody is far too busy – eating, working, texting, tweeting, or whatever else it is they do – to actually take a moment to discipline their children.

Is it any surprise then that these spoilt, entitled brats grow up to drive Daddy’s car far too fast, having had a bit too much to drink, and don’t spare a thought for the safety of other people on the road? Isn’t it only to be expected that these children grow up to believe that the rules don’t apply to them, because they are oh-so-special? After all, didn’t Mummy and Daddy bring them up to believe just that? And, as sure as night follows day, they will bring up their own children in exactly the same way.

Which is why, this year I intend to launch a campaign to revive that quaint old concept: good manners. You know, the kind that they taught us in school when we were growing up. Speak softly when you are in company. Say hello or offer to shake hands when you meet someone. Say ‘please’ when you want something and ‘thank you’ when you get it. And don’t lie flat on the floor and throw the mother of all tantrums if you don’t. 

So here, in no particular order of importance, are just some of the things that I would like to see happen this year (and every year thereafter):

• That people put their phones on silent during business meetings, while eating at restaurants or watching a movie – and better still, slide them into their pockets or purses. There is nothing more annoying than to be discussing business with someone whose one eye is on his/her phone, who keeps picking it up when it beeps to check messages, and then starts replying to these messages, ignoring you completely. We’ve all had dinner with that self-important sod, who keeps taking calls all through the meal or texting incessantly, telling you with every swipe of the screen that you are not really worthy of his/her full attention. And then, there are those obnoxious creatures who keep their phones on in movie halls, picking them up every 10 minutes to whisper loudly, “I am in a movie,”. Oh, for God’s sake, put it away already!
• That people respect other people’s time as they would their own. So, doctors don’t give you an appointment for 2 pm and then see you a good two hours later. Your friends don’t fetch up for dinner for 10 pm when the invitation clearly said 8.30 pm. And that everyone finally realizes that it doesn’t take much effort to call people to say you’re running late. Only don’t text if you are in a business meeting (see above).
• That ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ see a revival in their fortunes, and become a part of everyone’s vocabulary. A very well-mannered friend of mine, who always holds the door open for those coming through after him, has a nice passive-aggressive way of dealing with people who fail to say ‘thank you’. As they rush past him, heads bent over their smartphones, he says loudly, “You are very welcome!” Nine times out of then, the offenders are shamed into saying a belated ‘thank you’. The tenth person of course glides away, oblivious to the call for good manners. But, as a strategy, it is not a bad way to call people out for their bad manners and force them to do the right thing.

Will any of this work? Or am I just fighting a losing battle and setting myself up for disappointment yet again? Well, I’ll let you know how this little social experiment works out in a year’s time. Until then, be good, stay nice, and thank you so much for your time!

With a bang...not a whimper

Make a fresh start as Diwali rings in a new year…

First off, a very Happy Diwali to all of you. I hope you’re having a splendid morning. That you’re not too bleary-eyed after staying up into the early hours because of the loud crackers heralding the beginning of ‘Chhoti Diwali’ (the prelude to the main act that starts today). That you are not hungover, having had a few too many at the party last night. That you’re not bummed about having lost money at teen patti with friends (if it helps, remember that losing means you will make much more money this year). And that you’re starting the day with a piece of mithai (kaju barfi is my favourite) with your morning cup of tea and coffee.

If you are in business or trade, you will soon be heading to the office or shop to conduct a Lakshmi Puja, an invocation to the Goddess of Wealth, so that she continues to bless your ventures. And if you are a traditionalist, you will be starting a new book of accounts to herald the beginning of the New Year. 

Well, I am all in favour of starting with a clean slate at this time of year. But given that I don’t have a book of accounts to ceremonially start over, I thought that I would start with my life instead, giving it a little reboot this festive season. Out with the old, in with the new, that sort of thing. So, starting today, this is what I plan to do. If you want to join in, here is my master list.

• Actually scratch that. No more making endless lists of things that I never get around to doing (honestly, who was I kidding? I was never going to make it to the gym in the morning!). Instead, I will set myself one goal every month (or every couple of months). And if I don’t achieve it in that time frame, then I will strike it right off. 

It’s like those clothes languishing in the back of your closet. If they haven’t seen the light of day in a year, they are likely to remain unworn forever. Just make your peace with it and chuck them out. Similarly, if you haven’t finished what you set out to do in a certain period of time, the likelihood is that it’s never going to happen. Move on.

• Do one new thing. And by new, I mean something that you have never tried before. Something that you never even thought of trying before. Something that is so out of your comfort zone that grown men laugh and children giggle when you say you intend to give it a go. Yes, that something new. 

In my case, it’s going to be: learning how to play a musical instrument. No, I have no natural aptitude. And the odds are that I will suck at this no matter how hard I try. But even so, this should be fun; though perhaps, not so much for the folks next door (it goes without saying that in the interest of good neighbourly relations, I will steer clear of drums).

• Brush up old skills; yes, the ones you barely remember you possess. In my case, it’s going to be languages. Having invested several months to studying French and Italian many moons ago, I am rather shamed by the fact that I have forgotten as much as I ever learnt. It’s only when I am travelling in those parts that the cadences of those lost tongues evoke something lost in me, and the words come rushing back. In a day or two, I can make myself understood, but only at the cost of doing significant damage to the language in question. The Italians are sweet and indulgent about it; the French superior and scornful. But in both cases, it serves as an incentive to dust off those grammar books and watch a bit of Rai and TV5. Or maybe enroll in a refresher conversation course.

• Make new friends. I don’t know about you, but I find that the older I get, the harder I find it is to make new friends. There is none of the forced intimacy of schools, where you spend the best part of the day shut up in a room with a bunch of girls (or boys). The leisurely days of college when you could while away the afternoon just gossiping in the canteen are long gone. And new, corporate-style offices don’t encourage the matiness that the casual chaos of their earlier avatars did. 

So, how is one supposed to make new friends? And more importantly, good friends? Okay, I concede that it’s not easy. And you will have to kiss a lot of frogs and frogesses before you find the real thing. But if you keep yourself open to the possibility of friendship, it can be quite amazing what you find out there. You might find a kindred spirit at the school gates as you drop off your daughter. You might bond with that over-muscled man at the gym (who you always thought was a bit of a freak). Or you might just meet a bunch of like-minded folk on social media (I know, I know, famous last words…). And no matter how things work out, you will have a few laughs along the way. 

Meanwhile, there’s always Diwali to celebrate. Go on, light a diya and say a little prayer. And steer clear of firecrackers while you’re at it.