Picture perfect

We all like to exert control over our image, so why blame celebrities for their love of air-brushing?

It seems to be an immutable rule of this Internet age that if there is an embarrassing photo (or video) lurking some place in the virtual world, someone somewhere will find a way to leak it. And it is just as inevitable that these photos (or videos) will go ‘viral’; as in people all over the world will be clicking on them to view what was most certainly not meant for our eyes. Then, the chatter on social media will swirl out of control as everyone with a smartphone tries to out-smart the next guy with his one-liners. Columnists like myself will tut-tut about what voyeurs we have become (after taking a good look at the photos/videos, obviously; it’s research, don’t you know?). And then, we will move on effortlessly to the next such ‘scandal’.

And so, after Jennifer Lawrence – whose naked pictures, which she sent to her then-boyfriend, went spectacularly viral a few months ago – it was the turn of Cindy Crawford and Beyonce to suffer the ignominy of a ‘leak’ last week. And to add insult to considerable injury, unlike Jennifer who looked like a Greek goddess in her naked selfies, Cindy and Beyonce looked nothing like their usual selves in the photos that have probably been viewed a few billion times over by now.

Actually, that’s not quite true. Let’s put it this way, instead. Cindy and Beyonce looked exactly like their usual selves – but without the benefit of photo-shopping, air-brushing and sundry other techniques that glossy magazines and advertising agencies use to make women look picture perfect. So, like any other 48-year-old mother of two, Cindy – posing in black lingerie, fur coat and stylish hat – had a few stretch marks along her stomach while her thighs had a faint suggestion of cellulite to them. But that was nothing compared to poor old Bey, who had to contend with photos that showed a crop of acne under heavily-pancaked skin.

So far, so normal. That is what women look like, once they have lived a little (and pushed out a sprog or two). And acne could strike any of us any time (though it usually does just before an important party or, yes, a photo-shoot). So, what was the big deal about these photos being leaked on the net? Nothing at all, really.

And yet, when I looked at the pictures I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sympathy for the subjects. It is one thing to voluntarily release unflattering (relatively, of course, these ladies couldn’t look anything but gorgeous if they tried) photographs of yourself, either with a view to showing the world that nobody is as flawless as their public personas may suggest or to help other women who are struggling against the tyranny of perfection. But it is quite another to have such pictures released without your consent or even your knowledge, to have the control you exerted over your image for decades wrested away in a matter of seconds.

It is brave to release images of yourself to show the reality behind those glamour pictures that infest the media. But it is a violation to have pictures that show the ‘real’ you – or, for that matter, any pictures at all – released without your permission.

This is as true of celebrities as it is of ordinary folk like you and me. Which of us can say, hand to heart, that we haven’t done a bit of ‘work’ on pictures before posting them on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, or whatever other social media site we use? We all delete unflattering pictures the moment after they are taken. We all use photo-shopping and airbrushing apps to the extent our skills allow. And rare is the picture that makes the cut without the judicious application of a filter or two. If a friend or family member tags us with an unflattering picture, we untag ourselves immediately and then harangue them to take the picture down (NOW, if you please!). And if they don’t, unpleasantness usually follows.

That’s the kind of control we exert on our image in the public domain. And that’s when we are not even public figures.

So, if we feel betrayed when ‘unauthorized’ pictures of us make it to social media, how do you think celebrities like Cindy Crawford and Beyonce – whose careers are predicated, in whole and in part, on how they look – feel when their un-retouched images are released and become the subject of public debate.

The truth is that none of us is happy to show her real face to the world. We don’t leave the house unless we have our ‘face’ on; the one we display to the world, with the help of concealers, eyeliners, lipstick, and maybe just the lightest touch of foundation. We bleach, we wax, we tweeze, we pluck, in an effort to improve on Nature’s work. Some of us even go so far as to use Botox, fillers, and other cosmetic procedures to keep the ravages of age at bay.

Nobody looks as good as they do in their Facebook profile pictures of their Twitter DPs (or indeed, in their column pictures!). And that’s fine. It is our inalienable right to present our best faces to the world. And each of us has the right to control our own image, both in the private and public domain.

So, why deny Cindy and Beyonce the control that we take for granted?

Unsocial media

Tell the truth now; do you really care about your Facebook friends or Twitter buddies?

It is one of the central ironies of this age of social media. Never before have we known so much about each other. And never before have we cared so little.

Just think about it. If you are on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, or whatever the latest social media craze it, you know way too much about your friends, chance acquaintances and complete strangers. You know what they did last summer. You know whom they did it with. You have seen the pictures. You know what their kids look like. You know every cute (or inane) thing they ever say. You are forewarned when their birthdays and anniversaries crop up. 

And you know what? You don’t care. And you are not alone in this either. Truth be told, nobody cares. We all do the decent thing, RT a few tweets, click the ‘like’ button a few times, and post the occasional comment. But hand on heart, which one of you out there really cares about this minutiae about the lives of other people? No, I didn’t think so.

There has been some amount of theorizing in recent times about how those of us who spend an inordinate amount of time on social networking sites are narcissistic personalities who are constantly looking for approval and validation from other people. Now that’s probably true and there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s just one slight problem with this scenario. For if all these ‘other people’ are also narcissistic so-and-sos who are only interested in garnering approval for themselves, then clearly this social (media) contract is not going to work except in a very limited I-scratch-your-back-you-scratch-mine sort of way.

And let’s be honest here. It clearly isn’t working for most of us. When it comes down to it, none of us is really interested in what the other had for breakfast, lunch or dinner. We don’t care if your car broke down on your way to work. We don’t find your attempts at pithy humour at all funny. We are not going to click on that link and read your blog. We don’t care how much you scored in some silly game. And we definitely don’t want to watch your Facebook movie!

In that case, why on earth are we wasting our time on these sites, pretending to be engaged when we are, in fact, bored senseless? It is simply down to a fear of missing out, of being left out of this great social media experiment? Are we getting sucked into this ephemeral world that we don’t really care about merely because everyone else seems to live in it? 

But let’s pause for a moment and think. If we even don’t care about this parallel universe, does it make any sense to linger on within its boundaries? And if we are going to stay, doesn’t it make sense to, at the very least, change the rules of engagement? 

I, for one, am rapidly coming around to the view that some amount of recalibration is required. One way to go would to tighten our social circle, expelling all those whom we don’t really give a damn about, and concentrate on that tight group with whom we do have meaningful relationships, those with whom we interact frequently, both in the virtual and the real world.

That means a certain amount of cleaning up. So, if you can’t be bothered to type ‘Happy B’day’ for a Facebook ‘friend’ even though you have been ‘alerted’ about his or her birthday well in advance, then maybe it is time to ‘unfriend’ them. If just the sight of someone’s handle on your Twitter timeline begins to annoy you because of the gibberish they spout, it might be a good idea to ‘unfollow’ (or, if you are too soft-hearted, hit the ‘mute’ button). 

Maybe once we have done that, we can begin to restore a certain balance in our online dealings. We can create an environment that mirrors our real lives, in which we make time for, and pay attention to, those we care about no matter what else is going on in the world. And then maybe, just maybe, social media can begin to become truly social.

Internet Addiction?

Oh yes, that’s a thing now; and what’s more, the Internet will help you beat it!

So, it is finally here. The cure to Internet addiction. Okay, maybe I exaggerate. But it may well be around the corner. A hospital in Pennsylvania has become the first to offer an inpatient detox programme for those who are suffering from an addiction to the Internet. Starting this week, the Bradford Regional Medical Center will offer a 10-day programme devised by experts in others forms of addiction. Those who sign up will be given classes in digital detox and will participate in group therapy sessions much like those addicted to alcohol, drugs or even sex, do.

Some medical experts, of course, insist that there is no such thing as Internet addiction. Some people are over-dependent on the use of digital technology and social media (same difference, if you ask me) and may need intervention to disengage from the virtual world. But calling this an addiction is over-egging it a bit.

Whatever you may call it, however, there is no denying that too many of us have become obsessive about our use of the Internet. We are constantly dipping into social media sites like Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, Instagram to check out what’s happening with the world and to tell the world what’s happening with us. We can’t eat a meal without first taking a picture and sharing it with all our virtual friends. We can’t go on holiday without documenting every single moment on social media. Hell, we even live-tweet miscarriages, births and (more creepily) deaths.

And such is our obsessive desire to remain updated and plugged in that we can ever disengage and just enjoy the moment. We take videos of live concerts rather than immerse ourselves in the music. We take pictures of a beautiful sunset instead of letting its beauty wash over us. We spend all our time on our smartphones when we should be engaging with the real-life people around us.

In such technology-driven societies like Japan, it is estimated that as many as half a million children in the age group of 12 to 18 are addicted to the Internet. So serious is the situation that the ministry of education has started ‘fasting camps’ to help these kids disconnect from their digital devices. These camps are held outdoors where the children (after their touchscreens are wrestled away from them presumably) are made to interact with one another, play games, participate in team sports, have conversations and group discussions. Or, in other words, experience those childhood joys that we took for granted growing up in a pre-Internet world.

That’s not to say, though, that only kids who were born into the new technology age have a problem disconnecting from the virtual world. Even ‘grown-ups’, who really should know better, find themselves wasting time in ever more inventive ways on the Internet. The office worker who has Facebook open in a side window as he replies to emails. The journalist who can’t stay off Twitter even if she is on a deadline. The young mother who joins chat groups to escape the isolation of being housebound with a baby and ends up hooked.

And these are just the benevolent ways of wasting time on the Internet. There is a dark, malevolent side to the Internet too as those who get addicted to gaming or gambling sites know all too well. And then, there’s the whole murky world of cybersex and on-line porn. But given that this is a family publication, we will draw a discreet veil over that.

So, why do we all get so hooked on the digital world even though we know at a rational level that it is doing us no good? And that we really should be getting some work done instead?

Well, psychologists say that we get a high from the anonymity that the Internet grants us, allowing us to be whatever and whoever we want. And that we get a sense of self-validation when we engage with people in the virtual world; especially if we feel isolated in the real world.

Which is, perhaps, why people who work from home are more susceptible to digital addiction. There you are, sitting alone at your desk, staring at a computer when a ping tells you that you have received a tweet, email or even a Facebook update. The temptation to click on the link is too hard to resist. You decide to take a little peek. And before you know it, you’ve wasted an hour and a half of your life that you are never getting back.

I felt a little better about my own digital addiction when I read that Monica Ali, of Brick Lane fame, had written about her gratitude to Self-control and Freedom in the foreword to her new book. Yes, I use upper case advisedly. These are the names of the apps that you can download to treat your Internet addiction. Self-control and Freedom allow you to set up a period of time – say three hours – when your browser will behave as if you are offline, allowing you to concentrate on your work without any distractions. If that’s too hardcore for you, there are apps like Anti-Social (a kind of Freedom-lite) that allows you to block off those social media sites on which you waste most time.

Yes, I know, using Internet apps to treat Internet addiction; the irony doesn’t escape me either. There has to be an easier way, right? There is actually. It’s called self-control, with a small s this time. We really should give it a try.