Family ties

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex rush back into the embrace of the royal family at the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee celebrations

 

Families, eh? Love them or hate them; there is just no way you can leave them. That’s the thought that struck me as I watched the Platinum Jubilee celebrations to mark Queen Elizabeth’s 70 years on the throne.

 

Unless you have been living under a rock over the past few years, you will be familiar with Prince Harry, his wife, Meghan, and their long and winding whine-athon with Oprah Winfrey. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex – as they were styled after their wedding – gave up their royal duties and departed the green fields of England for the sunny climes of California, where they announced they would make their own way in the world. But wait, not before slagging off the royal family from which they had consciously uncoupled.

 

So, while Meghan, already upset that no one had asked her if she was ‘okay’, announced dolefully that the royal institution – which she referred to, rather sinisterly as ‘the firm’ – had ignored her mental health issues and failed to provide her with support when she felt suicidal while pregnant, Harry angrily revealed that his father, Prince Charles, had cut him off financially once he announced he was leaving for America. Meghan confided that her sister-in-law, Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge, had made her cry. Harry said living in the royal family felt like being part of a circus (with him being the performing animal, obviously).

 

Meghan upped the ante even further, saying that an unnamed royal had speculated about the color of her unborn child when she was pregnant. Harry clarified, later in the same interview, that this had happened at the beginning of their relationship, but by then, the damage had been done: the royal family had been painted with a racist brush, and the reputational damage was complete.

 

So, what do you think happened when this racist, unfeeling, even cruel, family celebrated the 70^th anniversary of their matriarch’s enthronement? Why, of course, Harry and Meghan wanted to be a part of the festivities! They would, they announced grandly, be ‘honoured’ to attend.

 

And so, they dutifully turned up for the Jubilee celebrations, even though they were pointedly not invited to make the obligatory balcony appearance with the Queen (that was just for working royals, we were told). Harry wore a slightly hangdog expression during the proceedings, perhaps reflecting on all that he had left behind, though he managed to muster the occasional smile. Meghan, drawing on her experiences as a cable show actress, had a huge grin pasted on throughout, accessorized with even huger hats.  

 

The events were carefully choreographed to keep the warring brothers, Princes William and Harry, apart. And the public didn’t get to see Meghan and Catherine interact either at the Trooping the Colour or at St Paul’s Cathedral. But the family dynamics behind closed doors would have been fascinating.

 

Did the two sisters-in-law grin through gritted teeth and kiss each other on the cheek? How did Prince Charles react to the daughter-in-law who had smeared his family as racist? What was the reunion between Harry and his stepmother, Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall, like, given that rumour had it that he planned to slag her off in his forthcoming autobiography? And did the two brothers manage to mend their relationship, or at least begin to make amends?

 

I guess we shall never know – unless, of course, the Sussexes decide to sit down for another heart-to-heart with Oprah Winfrey. Or if they decide to reveal their innermost thoughts in the reality show – oops, sorry, docu-series – they are currently shooting for Netflix. Or if Harry includes his Platinum Jubilee adventures in his book, which is due out later this year.

 

But, judging by the look of things, Harry and Meghan seem to have decided that love them or hate them, you just can’t leave your family. At the end of the day, you need that sprinkling of royal stardust to keep shining in the celebrity firmament back in California. 

 

Does that hold out much hope for Meghan’s estranged father, Thomas Markle, currently recovering from a stroke that has left him unable to speak? Will he finally get a visit – or at the very least, a call – from his daughter, who hasn’t seen him since her wedding four years ago? You’ll simply have to watch this space.

 

Relatively speaking

It’s not just Meghan Markle; everyone has those family members from hell. The trick is how you deal with them 

You have to feel for Meghan Markle. The former TV actress who is now wife to Prince Harry and restyled as the Duchess of Sussex, has had the worst luck with her birth family ever since her engagement was announced. 

First it was her half-sister, Samantha Markle, and her half-brother, Thomas Markle Jr, who were trying their best to embarrass her. Samantha announced that she was going to publish a tell-all book called The Diary of Princess Pushy’s Sister. She also regularly went on Twitter rants, rebuking Meghan for being everything from a fraud to a hypocrite and berating Harry for having failed to see through her. Doing one better, Thomas Markle Junior, went so far as to write an open letter to Prince Harry, telling him that he was making a huge mistake marrying his sister, and that he would be best advised to call the wedding off.

So far so utterly charming. 

But if this was not enough, Meghan’s father soon joined the fray, doing his own bit to embarrass his soon-to-be-royal daughter. In the run-up to the wedding, Thomas Markle Sr was exposed as having staged paparazzi shots for which he was paid handsomely. Then, in a fit of embarrassment he declined to attend the wedding, at which he was to walk his daughter down the aisle, claiming (falsely, it turns out) to have had heart surgery.

After the wedding, he gave a series of interviews in which he revealed that his daughter wanted to get pregnant pronto. He gave away Prince Harry’s views on Brexit and Donald Trump, quite oblivious of the fact that royals are not supposed to air their opinions on politics in public.

And when, inevitably, his daughter froze him out – out of the fear of having every private conversation repeated to the press – he sat down with the Daily Mail for nine hours over three days to rail against Meghan for ‘ghosting him’, proclaiming that he had made her the Duchess she was today and that she would be ‘nothing’ without him.

Honestly, it’s enough to make you weep. You can just about make your peace with siblings (okay, half-siblings) saying awful things about you. But to have your own father spew such bile must be a hard cross to bear. More so since Meghan is now bound by the rules of the British royal family, which entail that one must “never complain, never explain”. So, she has to seethe in private while her father holds forth about how her mother-in-law, the late lamented Princess Diana, would have ‘loathed’ the way Meghan is treating him.

As toxic parents go, Thomas Markle Sr takes not just the biscuit but the entire bakery. He is entitled, obnoxious, narcissistic and impossible to shut up. So, how do you deal with someone like him, without losing your own sanity in the bargain?

Well, in case you are coping with a Thomas Markle of your own, here are a few pointers.

• First off, don’t engage. In that, at least, Meghan Markle has the right idea. The only way to deal with people who bring toxic energy into your life, is to head them off at the pass. Don’t allow them any mindspace. Don’t respond to their micro and macro-aggressions. Meet their every utterance with a wall of silence. It will annoy them no end. It may make them step up their campaign of attrition. But over a period of time, when they are met with no response, they will have to admit defeat and leave you alone. Just be patient and hang in there until that happens.

• Don’t feel guilty. Toxic family members will try their best to induce guilt about how you are treating them. Parents like Thomas Markle Sr will try and remind you how much you owe them, given how much they spent on your education. But that is not reason enough to keep toxic people in your life. If they need financial support then set up an arrangement. But don’t let people guilt-trip you into accepting toxic behavior as a given. You deserve better, and you should never forget that.

• Don’t give in to emotional blackmail. Perhaps one of the most vile things that Thomas Markle Sr said in his interview to the Daily Mail was that it might be easier on Meghan if he died. That way at least people would have sympathy for her. Cue the violins. Daddy is at death’s door and that horrid daughter can’t even pick up the phone and call him. Yes, that’s right, she can’t. There is a reason for that. Daddy is using his health as a get-out-of-jail card. He is using his heart condition to tug at his daughter’s heartstrings. And there really can’t be a more cynical ploy than that. 

• And last of all, surround yourself with positive energy to counteract all that negative energy that is targeting you. Go out with friends to watch a movie. Set some time aside to read a good book. Cook a nice meal. Feed your friends and family. When it all becomes too much for you, just step away from the world and go for a walk with just your music to keep you company. And in a world in which good and bad are constantly doing battle, always come down on the side of the good.