Surviving college 101

 As teenagers across the country begin college life, here are some tips to get them started. 

Like millions of other teenagers across India, my teenage niece packed her bag

 and headed out to college last week. Hitee has always been an academic star 

but I am guessing that she headed for the portals of Ashoka University with 

the same combination of apprehension and excitement that I did when I 

entered Loreto College to study English literature so many moons ago.

 

As the pictures of her campus, her new room, her classmates began inundating 

the family Whatsapp group, I began thinking about my own college years and 

what I wish I had done – and not done – during that period of my life. Of course, 

everybody’s college experience is unique but here, in no particular order of 

importance, are some things that I wish I had known as I studied for my

 Honours degree.

 

·       Worrying about your grades during this period is the default position 

for almost everyone in college. And for naturally competitive people like 

Hitee and me it is almost second nature to study obsessively so that we 

score over everyone else. But looking back now, I wish I had spent less 

time in the college library and more time in the common room having fun.

 Yes, it’s true that getting a good rank in your finals matters when you 

head out to the real world looking for a job. But it’s equally true that in a 

few years’ time, nobody cares or asks about what you scored in your exams

 – and the odds are that you don’t remember either. So, why spend every 

waking moment agonizing about something that won’t even matter 

in the long run?

·       It’s not your marks that are for life; it’s your friends. And this is the

 time when you make friends for life. There is an intensity to college

 friendships that is difficult, if not impossible, to replicate in later life. 

Which is why college friends eventually become your 3 am friends 

(whom you call even in the dead of night when you need help). And why

 no matter how long you lose touch with a college mate, you can pick up

 effortlessly from where you left off. But the trick is to keep yourself open

 to friendships with a wide and diverse group. Don’t restrict yourself to 

people who are just like you; seek out those who have had very divergent 

life experiences. This is the best way of enriching your own life, 

both now and in the future.

·       Don’t worry about being a ‘Cool Girl’ (or boy) or whatever the kids 

are calling it these days. It may seem like a big deal to be in with the hip

 (again, please insert Gen Z alternative) crowd right now, but trust me, 

it’s not worth the bother. You don’t have to change yourself to fit in with 

any group – and any group that requires you to do so is not worth joining. 

So, wear what you like, eat what you want, listen to the music of your 

choice, watch your own kind of shows, and pay no attention to the 

‘trendies’ mocking you.

·       But most of all, have fun. Have fun learning new things. Have fun

 meeting new people. Have fun discovering what you are good at. Have fun 

working out what you are becoming. And above all, have fun being yourself 

– because everyone else is taken.

Back to school

And the promise that the beginning of the school year held out

I am a bit hazy about when new school terms start these days – blame it on not having a few stroppy mites of my own – but I remember the beginning of my own academic year with crystal clarity. By some happy chance, it coincided with the beginning of the New Year itself. And so, as a new year dawned, it was time to enter a new class at school.

There was a certain ritualistic joy to the whole routine. The buying of new textbooks and notebooks, sitting down one evening with reams of brown paper to cover them before sticking on a label with my name and class clearly marked out. The new school bag and pencil box, the slightly larger uniform that I could grow into in the course of the year, the annual visit to Bata to buy the regulation school shoes and, if I could persuade my mother, a brand-new haircut.

The newness persisted once school actually began. There was a different classroom, for starters, and the chance to bag a better seat than the one I had the year before. There was all that jostling to ensure that my best friends were seated next to me. There was some nervous excitement at the thought of meeting the new class teacher, and much speculation about how nice/strict she would be. And then, there were the lessons themselves, comprising completely new information for our impressionable minds.

All told, there was a sense of making a fresh start, the promise of a new beginning. And I am sure it was the same for my classmates.

It didn’t matter if you had failed miserably at maths last year; this year you could do a complete turnaround and surprise everyone. Maybe this would be the year when you were finally elected class monitor. Perhaps, for once, you would not be the last person to be picked when the class was choosing its basketball team. And with a bit of luck, this time round you would land a meaty role in the annual school concert.

And the most brilliant thing about school – as far as I was concerned at least – was that you got this chance to start over every year.

And then came college, with an even bigger opportunity to completely recast your image. There you were, just another unknown in a cast of anonymous hundreds. Nobody really knew anything about you. The professors had no clue what you were good or bad at. Your classmates didn’t have any pre-conceptions about you, nor you about them. As for the smattering of old school friends still around – they were just as keen to re-invent themselves and hence were content to give you a wide berth.

So, here was the chance of a lifetime: to be whatever you had ever dreamt of becoming.

The class nerd could have a personality transplant and become the mainstay of the debating society. The mousey little girl with spectacles and braces, who always sat at the back of the class in school hoping desperately that no one would notice her, could get a makeover and become the star of the college’s drama division. The sports captain could flower into a writer; the swot could blossom into a singer; the class idiot could discover a sudden talent for photography.

This was a world brimming with possibilities; it was entirely up to you to reach out, grab one and then run with it.

I think, to some extent, that’s the problem with growing up – or even, growing older. The prospect of new beginnings begins to fade with each year, becoming more and more remote with every decade that passes you by.

I don’t mean to suggest that adults – young, middle-aged or old – cannot start over. Yes, of course we can. But without the optimism of youth to back us up, we find it much harder to take that leap of faith. It takes a certain insouciance to press alt, control, delete on the keyboard of life and start afresh. And the older we grow the less willing we are to take that risk.

That’s not to say that people don’t indulge in some sort of course correction at some point in their lives. Sometimes it comes as part of a mid-life crisis, sometimes as a wake-up call after a health scare, and sometimes it is the result of sheer boredom with the life you have been leading so far.

This may manifest itself in different ways. Men may cheat on their wives with their pretty young secretaries; women may sign up for plastic surgery to resurrect their younger selves; couples may relocate to a new city to rediscover the romance in their relationship; and people may change jobs, even careers, to recapture that rush that accompanies a new start.

But no matter what you hard you try to re-invent yourself as an adult, there is no denying the fact that the older you get the more difficult it is to rid yourself of the baggage of your past.

You may find a brand new wife/husband but the baggage of your first failed marriage will always weigh you down. You can try and recreate your childhood through your kids or even use them to fulfil your dreams. But kids have a way of growing up and moving on and there you are, left to your own devices once again.

I don’t know about you, but it makes me long for the promise that the beginning the school year held out.