Phone down!

A digital detox is the need of the hour

What is the first thing you do when you get up in the morning? If you are anything like me you reach out for your phone to put off the alarm. And then, instead of putting it straight back down and heading for the bathroom to brush your teeth, you start scrolling. 

You take a look at X — what we still think of as Twitter — to see what news has broken overnight. You check into Instagram to see how many likes your post has garnered. You take a quick peek at your favourite news sites. You open your mail to see if anything needs replying urgently. And only then do you start your morning routine. 

Well, for me at least, this is going to change from this week forward. I have been convinced for a while that I need to reduce my dependence on my phone and conduct some sort of digital detox. I need to control my phone usage before my phone starts controlling me. And these are just some of the measures I intend to take. 

• No scrolling on the phone for at least an hour after I wake up. I will still use the phone alarm. But once I have put it off I will put the phone down and not pick it up again until I have finished my breakfast. Instead, I will read the newspapers, chat with my husband, and think about the day ahead without any digital distraction. 

• Leaving my phone behind when I head out for my daily walk. Instead of listening to music, podcasts or audiobooks, I will focus on my surroundings instead. Listening to birdsong, appreciating the beauty of spring flowers, watching peacocks frolic in the shade, eavesdropping on interesting conversations taking place around me. That sounds like a good plan to me. 

• A phone detox also means getting over my compulsive need to photograph everything that strikes me as unusual, beautiful or interesting. Instead of photographing every sunset, clicking every meal that I have ever eaten, chronicling every amazing view I see on my travels, I will focus on being present in the moment. Savouring the experience in real time makes more sense than recording it in your photo gallery, which you will probably never look at later. 

• Resisting the impulse to respond to every WhatsApp message and reply to every email the moment they pop up on my phone. Instead, I will carve out an hour every morning and evening to respond to messages. And refuse to engage with anyone digitally outside of that time period. 

• Move to reading physical books to put myself to sleep rather than rely on the Kindle app on my phone. While I enjoy reading e-books (none of that physical-books-only snobbery for me) the temptation to skip out of the app and check out social media sites on my phone is often too strong to resist. So, it’s best to let it rest on the nightstand while I lose myself in the pages of a ‘real’ book. Wish me luck!

Switch off

Is it time to disconnect from a hyper-connected world?

It was a Whatsapp message from my nephew that first alerted me to the fact that something was up. “Hello, I’m not going to be using a phone any more,” he announced cheerily to all his contacts. “If you’d like to get in touch, I’d be delighted to hear from you on email.” It’s now been a few weeks since that announcement and Arjun maintains that he’s never been more at peace than since he gave up on his phone. There are no incessant calls and messages, both personal and professional, no constant notifications from social media platforms; instead there is blessed quiet in which he can hear himself think.

I would have dismissed this as just my nephew being his usual eccentric self – he did, after all, give up on being a successful lawyer to train in drama therapy – if I hadn’t meet many other millennials since then who also seem to be disenchanted by phones and what they are doing to their lives.

One of them confessed that she felt so stressed at the thought of having to take work calls at all hours of the day that just the ring of her phone was enough to trigger an anxiety attack. Another had deleted all social media apps like Twitter and Facebook from his phone, using them only when he accessed his laptop, and felt much more productive as a consequence. And then, there was the one who was so concerned by his ‘screen time’ reports (did he really spend 2.3 hours on Instagram on average every day?) that he had downloaded an app that automatically cut off his Internet usage once he had breached a certain time limit.

I could go on, but you probably get the point. I certainly did, and inspired by these young people, over the last fortnight I have attempted to bring down my ‘screen time’ as well (no, you really don’t want to know how long I spend on Twitter every day) and see if that helps me concentrate better on the book that I am working on at the moment. My way of doing this was to activate ‘Airplane mode’ when I sat down to write, so I had to perforce focus on my writing rather than disappear down the rabbit hole that is the Internet.

I must admit that it wasn’t easy to begin with. With an almost Pavlovian response, my fingers kept reaching out for the Twitter or Instagram icon, as my attention wandered from the computer screen in front of me. But when the feed would not – or more accurately, could not – refresh – I had no option but to turn back to my writing. The first few days were tough as my brain rewired itself to focus on one task rather than flitting from one to another as it had become accustomed to doing. But after a period of time, I actually began to look forward to these islands of time when I could concentrate on one thing to the exclusion of all else. And now, two weeks later, I can’t even begin to sit down to write without first activating ‘Airplane mode’ on my phone.

One happy outcome of this is over the last fortnight, my screen time is down by 47 per cent. And it would be even lower if it wasn’t for the fact that I have downloaded the Kindle app on my phone and do all my late-night reading on it.  The time I spend reading news sites is still a bit high, but I justify it to myself by calling it work (which, in a way, it is) rather than pleasure. I dip into Twitter only once or twice a day, and I feel much calmer – and much less outraged! – as a consequence. And I treat Instagram like a late-night treat rather than an hourly indulgence, which makes me appreciate it a lot more.

I am now pushing the envelope a little further by leaving my phone behind when I go on my daily walks. It felt a bit strange at first, not being able to listen to music or an audio book as I ambled through Lodhi Garden. But as I walked on, I began to appreciate the real world around me a lot more when I didn’t have a distracting soundtrack playing in my ear. I drank in the beauty of the flowery verges, the majesty of the monuments that suddenly sprang up on me, and the sweet sound of birdsong as the sun set on another day.

In a way it was a throwback to a gentler time, to my mobile phone-free youth, when I used to leave work in the evening and head straight out for a bracing walk secure in the knowledge that nobody could get hold of me for the next hour or so no matter how hard they tried. This is not a feeling that most young people these days are at all familiar with, given the hyper-connectedness of their lives, when they are never truly off the grid. Work mails keep pouring in at all times, bosses Whatsapp at odd hours and expect an instant comeback, and parents want to know exactly where you are and what you are doing at any given time.

No wonder the poor dears want to turn their phones on silent, or even switch the damn things off. In this day and age, sadly, that’s the only way to get some peace and quiet – and a tiny sliver of time to yourself.

Switching off

Baby steps to a digital detox…

My moment of epiphany came when scrolling through Twitter, I came upon an article on internet addiction, described it as the most widespread malaise of our times. As I scrolled through the piece on my phone (where else?) I realized that I was exhibiting all the classic signs of internet addiction.

What was the first thing I did on getting up in the morning?

I checked my phone to see if any mails or calls had come through while I was asleep.

Did I check my social media feeds even before I brushed my teeth?

Oh yes, indeed. Most mornings, I dropped into Twitter before I visited the bathroom.

Did I turn off my phone at night?

Are you kidding? I don’t think I have turned off my phone for a good year at least. It stays on 24/7, and remains in my vicinity day and night (it has its own little sweet spot on my nightstand, within easy reach, when I go to bed). 

As I read on, getting increasingly concerned, I decided then and there that it was time to conduct a digital detox of sorts. I needed to wean myself off my addiction to the Internet before I got my brain rewired completely (and developed attention deficit disorder in the bargain).

So, over the last week or so, I have been taking baby steps on my way to a digital detox. And here’s what you need to do, for starters, if you would like to join me.

• Turn off notifications: This has made an enormous difference to how I use my phone. Earlier, the ‘pings’ that would announce the arrival of an e-mail or message, an Instagram like or a Twitter mention would distract me countless times during the day. And no matter how hard I tried to resist this siren call when I was working, it was hard not to click on to the phone to see just what was happening in the virtual world. After all, I told myself, it could be something important. (Spoiler alert: it hardly ever was.) But once I turned off the notifications and let the sound of silence fill its space, I found that I could concentrate much better on my actual work, without breaking off to check my social media feeds.

• Turn wifi off on my laptop: Once the Internet is not accessible on your computer, the incentive to take a ‘break’ to surf through news or gossip websites, or even play a game of online Scrabble or Sudoku drops considerably. Speaking for myself, I had a tendency to conduct ‘research’ alongside writing my next book. But before you could say ‘Google’ I had fallen down the rabbit hole of the Net, navigating from one site to another to pursue topics that had no real relevance to what I was working on. Well, that’s all in the past now. Now, I’m all work on the laptop and all play when I’m on my tablet. And that’s working out pretty well for me. Try it.

• Keep your phone out of the bedroom: This is essential if you want to wind down and get a good night’s sleep. The blue light emitted by your phone screen inhibits melatonin production and, thus, prevents you from falling asleep. So, if you insist on scrolling through Facebook or Twitter in bed, well then, you are going to stay awake a while longer. The only way you can get your quota of eight hours sleep is if you stop looking at your phone at least a couple of hours before you retire to bed. And if you have your phone within easy reach, the temptation to take just a little looksee will be hard to resist. Much better to leave it in the living room before you head for the bedroom. If you need to read something before you nod off, reach for a book instead.

• Assign time limits to your social media usage: The best way to do this is to get your social media apps off your phone. If you can’t access your feeds on your phone at a moment’s notice you will, perforce, check into Instagram and Facebook less often. But if that seems like a step too far, well then, you will just have to exert some discipline. Ease yourself out of your habit gently. Allow yourself to check in at hourly intervals at first. Then take a couple of hours in between logging in. And then, when you have weaned yourself off that constant dopamine fix that instant approbation gives, just click on every morning and evening – just enough to keep in touch, and just enough to avoid being sucked in again.

• Carve out a period during the day when you set your phone aside so that you can just be in the moment. Leave it at home when you go for a walk. Switch it off as you have lunch with your mother. Don’t take it into the kitchen when you are cooking dinner. Place it facedown when you have breakfast with the children. Prioritize your real life over the virtual one. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

The Great Escape

When the world gets too much to bear, it’s time to retreat to your ‘happy place’

Yes, I know exactly how you feel. It seems like the world has gone to hell in a handbasket. And you don’t know how you’re going to get through the next month, the next year, let alone the rest of your life.

You’ve spent days trying to live off the loose change you’ve scrounged from around the house. Or you spent endless hours queuing at the bank or at an ATM to get access to your own money. Donald Trump (Donald Trump!) is the new President of the United States. Leonard Cohen died. The list of misfortunes and tragedies seems endless.

So how do we survive in this world, which has begun to seem like such a nasty, brutish place?

Well, I don’t know about you, but I try and do so by going to my ‘happy place’. Which is often not a place at all but a state of mind I achieve by doing what pleases me best.

Here are just some of the things I have been doing over the last week or so to achieve ‘happy place’ status.

·       If you can’t stand the heat, get back in to the kitchen: There is something therapeutic about stirring a pot of rice on the stove to make a comforting risotto for dinner. Or carefully measuring out the ingredients of a gooey chocolate cake and concentrating on getting the mixture just right. Or even using the first meethi of the season to make theplas for breakfast. If all this seems like too much work to you, then crack open a few eggs, add a dash of double cream, salt, pepper, herbs, and stir slowly over very low heat. Pile the mixture on to hot, buttered toast. The world’s troubles will recede with every mouthful.

·       Get lost in the pages of an old book: There is nothing like comfort reading to make you feel better about yourself and the state of the world. And when the horrors of the world threaten to overwhelm, I retreat to the books of my childhood. I just finished re-reading Black Beauty, a birthday present from a young friend who knows me too well. And now I have started on Enid Blyton’s Malory Towers series, in the hope that the adventures of Darrell Rivers and gang will keep me from obsessing over President Trump (yes, yes, I know he’s not my President; but that doesn’t make it any easier). Word of caution: may be a good idea to stay away from the Harry Potter series. All those Voldemort references might come crashing back.

·       Out of the mouths of babes: Spend time with children. Read them stories. Listen to what they got up to in school. Ask them to tell you the latest jokes they heard in class. Get them to share their worries and fears; if nothing else, that will put your worries and fears in perspective. If you don’t have any kids of your own, don’t worry. This is an emergency and you are allowed to borrow them from friends and family. There is nothing like listening to the inconsequential chatter that emerges from children to make you forget the cares of the grown-up universe. (Note: if there are no children handy, just head for the nearest park and watch the kids at play. Their screams and shouts of pleasure will make you feel better about the state of the world.)

·       Schedule a digital detox: If you can’t stay offline during the day because of the nature of your work, that’s fine. But once you get home, put away the smartphone and tune out the constant chatter of the outside world. Don’t peek in to review your friends’ status updates on Facebook. Don’t keep trawling twitter to see (and outrage about) what’s happening in the world. Don’t even check into Instagram to see those carefully-filtered images of perfectly-curated lives. Let the outside world fade away while you listen to music, read a book, or just talk to your loved ones.

·       Watch re-runs of your favourite feel-good TV shows: My own go-to show when depressed is Friends, which I have now seen so many times that I know entire episodes by heart. Modern Family, with its blended families and cute kids, serves as another emotional retreat. And of late, I have taken to binge-watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix as well, while sneaking in a few episodes of Will and Grace. There is certain comfort in retreating to a parallel universe where nothing really bad happens; and there are no nasty surprises because you know exactly what’s coming next.

Well, that’s just a small sample of the many things I did to try and stay sane while the world seemed to run mad. But if none of them work for you, then you could always go to your actual ‘happy place’ and recover your equilibrium. Walk down the flower-edged paths of your favourite park. Take a day trip to the beach with a picnic basket of your favourite treats. Or retreat to the mountains for a weekend of quiet and calm.

And take comfort in the thought that whatever happens, the sun will rise again tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that. It may seem like the world has ended; but you will soon discover that the reports of its demise were vastly exaggerated.

Internet Addiction?

Oh yes, that’s a thing now; and what’s more, the Internet will help you beat it!

So, it is finally here. The cure to Internet addiction. Okay, maybe I exaggerate. But it may well be around the corner. A hospital in Pennsylvania has become the first to offer an inpatient detox programme for those who are suffering from an addiction to the Internet. Starting this week, the Bradford Regional Medical Center will offer a 10-day programme devised by experts in others forms of addiction. Those who sign up will be given classes in digital detox and will participate in group therapy sessions much like those addicted to alcohol, drugs or even sex, do.

Some medical experts, of course, insist that there is no such thing as Internet addiction. Some people are over-dependent on the use of digital technology and social media (same difference, if you ask me) and may need intervention to disengage from the virtual world. But calling this an addiction is over-egging it a bit.

Whatever you may call it, however, there is no denying that too many of us have become obsessive about our use of the Internet. We are constantly dipping into social media sites like Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, Instagram to check out what’s happening with the world and to tell the world what’s happening with us. We can’t eat a meal without first taking a picture and sharing it with all our virtual friends. We can’t go on holiday without documenting every single moment on social media. Hell, we even live-tweet miscarriages, births and (more creepily) deaths.

And such is our obsessive desire to remain updated and plugged in that we can ever disengage and just enjoy the moment. We take videos of live concerts rather than immerse ourselves in the music. We take pictures of a beautiful sunset instead of letting its beauty wash over us. We spend all our time on our smartphones when we should be engaging with the real-life people around us.

In such technology-driven societies like Japan, it is estimated that as many as half a million children in the age group of 12 to 18 are addicted to the Internet. So serious is the situation that the ministry of education has started ‘fasting camps’ to help these kids disconnect from their digital devices. These camps are held outdoors where the children (after their touchscreens are wrestled away from them presumably) are made to interact with one another, play games, participate in team sports, have conversations and group discussions. Or, in other words, experience those childhood joys that we took for granted growing up in a pre-Internet world.

That’s not to say, though, that only kids who were born into the new technology age have a problem disconnecting from the virtual world. Even ‘grown-ups’, who really should know better, find themselves wasting time in ever more inventive ways on the Internet. The office worker who has Facebook open in a side window as he replies to emails. The journalist who can’t stay off Twitter even if she is on a deadline. The young mother who joins chat groups to escape the isolation of being housebound with a baby and ends up hooked.

And these are just the benevolent ways of wasting time on the Internet. There is a dark, malevolent side to the Internet too as those who get addicted to gaming or gambling sites know all too well. And then, there’s the whole murky world of cybersex and on-line porn. But given that this is a family publication, we will draw a discreet veil over that.

So, why do we all get so hooked on the digital world even though we know at a rational level that it is doing us no good? And that we really should be getting some work done instead?

Well, psychologists say that we get a high from the anonymity that the Internet grants us, allowing us to be whatever and whoever we want. And that we get a sense of self-validation when we engage with people in the virtual world; especially if we feel isolated in the real world.

Which is, perhaps, why people who work from home are more susceptible to digital addiction. There you are, sitting alone at your desk, staring at a computer when a ping tells you that you have received a tweet, email or even a Facebook update. The temptation to click on the link is too hard to resist. You decide to take a little peek. And before you know it, you’ve wasted an hour and a half of your life that you are never getting back.

I felt a little better about my own digital addiction when I read that Monica Ali, of Brick Lane fame, had written about her gratitude to Self-control and Freedom in the foreword to her new book. Yes, I use upper case advisedly. These are the names of the apps that you can download to treat your Internet addiction. Self-control and Freedom allow you to set up a period of time – say three hours – when your browser will behave as if you are offline, allowing you to concentrate on your work without any distractions. If that’s too hardcore for you, there are apps like Anti-Social (a kind of Freedom-lite) that allows you to block off those social media sites on which you waste most time.

Yes, I know, using Internet apps to treat Internet addiction; the irony doesn’t escape me either. There has to be an easier way, right? There is actually. It’s called self-control, with a small s this time. We really should give it a try.