It is time
to debunk all the myths that have evolved around rape
It has become
something of a pattern by now. A woman is brutally raped, or, as is
increasingly common these days, gang-raped. News TV channels go on overdrive,
having shouty debates in the studios about how outrageous these daily assaults
on women are. Newspaper headlines blare their indignation and anger, with some of
them even christening the victim so that they can launch a campaign in her
name. The suspects are arrested and paraded before the media. A fast track
court is set up to ensure speedy justice. The trial goes on and on until the
case fades from the media and our memories. And then, another woman is raped or
gang-raped, and we go through the whole sorry cycle again.
But while the
details of every rape case may vary, the myths that swirl around rape remain
the same. And no matter how much we try and dispel them, their hold on the
public imagination remains as strong as ever.
First up, is the
myth that the rape is somehow the woman's fault. Why was she out so late at
night? Why did she go to such a secluded spot? Why was she wearing a short
skirt/low-cut top? Why was she drinking liquor? Why did she agree to take a
lift from a stranger? Why didn't she call her potential rapist 'Bhaiya' and ask
for mercy? Why does she sleep around so much anyway? Why? Why? Why?
The questions
pile up until the woman ends up feeling like a criminal rather than the victim
of a crime. In one way or the other, she is accused of having 'asked for it'.
She was in the wrong place at the wrong time in the wrong clothes with the
wrong people. It is her fault.
Only, it isn't.
No matter what she may have worn, no matter how she may have behaved, no matter
how late it was, and no matter how much alcohol was involved, the rape was not
her fault. It never is. No woman ‘asks’ to be raped. No woman ever.
And while we are
at it, no means no. That bears repeating. In fact, repeat that slowly after me.
No. Means. No. And anyone who doesn't respect that is a rapist. It is his fault
that the rape happened. He is the one who 'asked for it'. He is the criminal.
He is the one who should be punished. And he is the one who should be shamed
and ostracized by society.
The second myth
is that cities, and some cities in particular, are more prone to breeding
rapists than others. At the moment, Delhi is pilloried as being the rape
capital of India, but given the rash of rapes being reported from Mumbai, the
latest being the gang rape of a young photo-journalist, the crown of shame may
well shift. In the meantime, we are all subjected to the asinine ‘Delhi vs
Mumbai as rape capital’ storyline.
It seems absurd
to me that this needs saying but say it we must: cities don't rape woman; men
do. And not all men, either, just the rapists among them. And these rapists
live everywhere: in sprawling metropolises, in sleepy mofussil towns, in dusty
villages. It is not their location that determines their depravity but their
warped minds.
If anything, the
plight of women who live in small towns and villages is worse, because
patriarchy and misogyny are even more entrenched in these areas. And if you are
raped here, the chances are that the national media will never get to hear
about it, the police will laugh in your face when you try to register a case, and
if you do succeed in taking the matter to court, society will shame you and
your family at every turn.
Oh yes, shame.
That is the product of another myth: that when a woman is raped it is not just
her body that is violated; her ‘honour’ is besmirched as well. The Hindi phrase
used most often to describe rape says it all: “Uski izzat loot li” (Her
honour was stolen.) But as rape survivor, Sohaila Abdulali, wrote so movingly,
“I reject the notion that my virtue is located in my vagina.” The only person
who loses honour in the act of rape is the rapist himself. And we need to tell
every rape survivor that, over and over again.
But the most
dangerous myth of all is that if a woman is raped then her life is over. That
being raped is somehow worse than being murdered because her ‘izzat’ is worth
so much more than her life. The truth is that just as a woman’s virtue is not
located in her vagina and cannot be stolen from her by an act of forcible
penetration, her life also cannot be reduced to one heinous crime that was
committed against her body.
Rape may have
been the worse thing to happen to her, but it is not the thing that will define
her. Life will go on. The scars will heal, the memories will fade, she will
find love, she will laugh, she will take pleasure in the sight of a beautiful
sunset, she will raise a family, she will grow old. But most of all, she will
learn to live again.
Because there is
more to a woman than her vagina. And her life is worth a lot more than her so-called
‘honour’.
