The story of the British royal family is a soap opera to beat all soap operas
I found out about Queen Elizabeth II ‘s passing when I landed in Sydney after a 12-hour non-stop flight from Delhi. Switching on my phone, I saw that The Queen was trending on Twitter and clicked on the hashtag with some trepidation. And saw, to my immense sadness, that she had died, two days after she had shaken hands with her outgoing Prime Minister, Boris Johnson and welcomed the new one, Liz Truss. Queen Elizabeth had promised many decades ago that her life, be it long or short, would be dedicated to the service of the nation. And, true to her word, she served her people and her kingdom till her very last breath.
What a woman! What a life! And what a funeral…
Even though I was attending an event in Sydney, I found myself sneaking away ever so often to watch the proceedings as the United Kingdom, over which she had reigned for 70 years, came together to say goodbye to her. In fact, so long and protracted were the proceedings that the last leg – the funeral service at Westminster Abbey and the committal service at Windsor Castle – took place after I had arrived back at my home in Delhi.
As I watched that tiny, lead-lined coffin being lowered into the vault at St George’s Chapel, I found myself thinking about the remarkable arc of the Queen’s life. And then, on a sudden impulse, I found myself tuning into the first season of The Crown on Netflix, to watch the fictional depiction of how she first came to the throne.
That’s the thing about the British royal family, you see. Yes, they are real flesh and blood people with real lives that they live in the real world. But they are also the best soap opera that has ever been put on for the delectation of the watching world, a sort of royal The Bold And The Beautiful that takes in everything from adulterous spouses, tragic princesses, traumatic deaths, problem children, and every other daytime TV trope.
Watching the first ever episode of The Crown ever aired, I began to wonder how the show might depict the events of the past few years, and which elements of the royal story would get picked up for a fictional re-telling.
I mean, how could you resist the dramatic possibilities of Megxit? The beautiful biracial American divorcee sweeps the dashing but dim ginger Prince off his feet – and then sweeps him off to America, because it is impossible for them to ‘thrive’ in the royal fold. Cue, a heart-to-heart with the Queen of Hearts of the American people, with accusations of racism and cold neglect flying around, with the added frisson of figuring out which Duchess made the other Duchess cry. Admit it, it would be compelling viewing, and I certainly wouldn’t be able to resist.
Then, there is the Pervy Prince Plot, starring Andrew, whose association with Jeffrey Epstein and Virginia Guiffre (who, it must be said, he denies knowing but paid many millions of pounds to) led to his exile from royal life. Imagine the dramatic possibilities of fleshing out the scene as Andrew goes cap in hand to the Queen to ask for a handout to pay off the woman he allegedly had underage sex with. (“And what do you need the money for, darling boy?”)
If this gets to be rather heavy going – not to mention, downright icky – you could introduce a comedic sub-plot, starring King Charles and his legion of leaky pens. Every time the new King is asked to sign a visitor’s book or a new piece of legislation, he would be handed a pen that would then explode in his hands, staining his stubby little fingers. The King would then, in turn, explode with rage and frustration. Enter: the only woman who can calm his righteous anger, his wife, Camilla, now miraculously transformed from Wicked Mistress to Stately Queen Consort. (Now that’s a backstory worth exploring!).
And I haven’t even got to the melodrama surrounding the Queen’s funeral yet. Would Harry be allowed to wear his military uniform? Would Meghan and Catherine exchange as much as a smile – or a word – in public? Would the warring brothers, William and Harry, reconcile at this sad time?
It’s a soap opera to beat all soap operas – especially since it is hard to tell fact apart from fiction.
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