Stay calm and carry on

Here's how I deal with stress...

 

One of the first questions that doctors ask you at a medical examination is whether you are suffering from stress. And given the pressures of modern life, rare is the person who does not answer with a resounding yes. When you do confess to feeling stressed, you are generally asked to do some light yoga or meditation, lighten your workload, develop a healthier lifestyle, and so on.

 

There’s nothing wrong with this advice, but the methods I have adopted over the last few years to deal with stress are quite different. Here, in no particular order of importance, are what they are. 

 

·       Stop fighting with strangers on the Internet. There was a time when I would respond angrily to nasty comments on social media and waste hours of my time trying to get the last world in these virtual altercations. But I am older and wiser now and no longer feed the trolls with the attention they so desperately crave. Instead of replying to rude people, I just block them and move on. My timeline is much cleaner for it, and my life far more peaceful.

·       Don’t discuss politics at family gatherings. Or in family Whatsapp groups, for that matter. No matter how sure you are of the righteousness of your position – whichever side of the political spectrum you happen to fall on – there is no way you are going to change hearts and minds through the sheer force of your arguments. Everyone’s political positions are more or less baked in; as are yours. So, there is no profit in discussing the politics of the day with the extended family. Instead, there is a world of pain if you go down that route. Far better to just talk about cricket, Netflix shows, and your last vacation. 

·       Spend time in nature. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel energetic enough for a brisk walk in the park. Just grab a book, a couple of oranges or a bag of peanuts, and settle down on a park bench for an hour or so. Let the sun wash over you, allow the wind to blow away those thoughts clouding your mind, feast your eyes on the colourful blooms, marvel at the height of the trees, and give thanks for the miracle that is Nature. You need a daily break like this to restore balance in your life.

·       Ration your screen time. It’s not always possible during the day when you have work calls and the like. But once you’re done with dinner, put your phone away and be present in the real world. Talk to your spouse, your parents, your kids. Decompress by listening to music or reading a book. Watch your TV shows if you must, but switch them off an hour before your bedtime so that your mind has some time to quieten down.

·       Talk, talk, talk. If there is something in your life that is stressing you out, then don’t keep it bottled up inside you. Talk about it to your loved ones, whether they be friends or family. But before you do that, tell them whether you want to be heard, held, or helped. It’s astonishing how de-stressing it can be to have your needs met without any misunderstandings muddling the process.

Don't worry; be happy!

India’s low rank on the World Happiness report should not dishearten us so

 

There was much angst on social media when the annual World Happiness Report was released recently, and revealed that India ranked a lowly 125 (out of 137) on the index. India’s position had improved from 136 in last year’s report, but it still came below its neighbours like Pakistan and Bangladesh. And strangely enough, even the two nations that are tearing themselves apart in a war – Russia and Ukraine – were ranked above India.

  

But even as pitched battles were fought on Twitter about how the questions asked in the survey were skewed towards Western societies, and how the survey was biased against India, an entirely different question was agitating my mind.

 

What does happiness actually mean? Is the definition the same for every person out there? Does it depend on extraneous factors? Or does happiness lie deep within ourselves? And is it up to each of us to excavate and find it? And in the context of the World Happiness Report, does it even make sense to try and measure happiness on a sliding scale when happiness is an ephemeral feeling rather than a readily quantifiable property? 

 

Of course, there are conventional markers for happiness: having a steady job, disposable income, a stable family life, good health. The presence of these may not necessarily make you happy but it would be fair to say that the absence of any (or all) of the above would make you actively unhappy. 

 

But if you were conducting a happiness audit on your own life, how would it go? What would be the things that contributed to your happiness? 

 

Speaking for myself, it is the small pleasures of life that make me happy. They may seem insignificant in themselves but they have an incremental effect, adding up inexorably to contribute to my sense of overall well-being. 

 

·       The pleasures of a good book. It doesn’t matter whether I am reading a physical book or on my Kindle app. It doesn’t matter if it is an improving tome or a bestselling thriller. As long as I have a good book to get stuck into, all is right with my world.

·       A few hours spent in nature. It doesn’t have to involve travelling to some scenic spot and marvelling at the mountains or exclaiming at the sea. It could be something as mundane as taking a walk in the park and exulting in the vibrancy of spring blooms, or watching the leaves of trees change colour with the seasons. Just breathing in some fresh air is all it takes for me to feel better.

·       Pottering in the kitchen. There is something so uniquely relaxing about mechanically chopping and cutting, meditatively stirring a pot on the stove, and being rewarded by a dish that lives up to the promise implied in its recipe. Not to mention, the pleasure involved in feeding those you love.

·       Writing for myself. By which, I mean the writing that is not meant for the eyes of others. Writing that is personal and private; writing that helps me negotiate my own feelings; writing that helps me make sense of my world. If I didn’t have that, nothing else would suffice to make me happy.

 

So yes, I know it’s a cliché, but it’s true. Real happiness comes not from outside, but from within. And how can you possibly measure that on an index?