Switch on switch off

There is nothing as anxiety inducing for me as going on holiday 

Last week I wrote about my propensity to make lists – and how that took the stress right out of packing. But what I didn’t mention is that no matter how many lists I make – and obediently tick off – nothing makes me more anxious than travelling.

 

I am an anxious person at the best of times. And my anxiety levels are not helped by my propensity to dream up problem scenarios that may come to pass and how I would cope with them. But when it comes to heading out on a trip, my anxiety is centered around the here and now. 

 

Locking up has never been easy for me, even if I am heading out for a local shop. I double check and then triple check doors, windows, cupboards, etc. to make sure that the house is secure. Even before I head to bed I have a ritual of going around the house, making sure the locks are on, the lights are off, and that the balconies are secure. When my anxiety is heightened this can take ages, as I go through each part of the house again and again to make sure I have missed nothing.

 

As you may have realized, I suffer from what has been diagnosed as a form of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). And though it doesn’t really impact the quality of my life in any meaningful way, it does mean that I have repetitive rituals that help me cope with my OCD. 

 

But it’s when I am leaving town for a while that my anxiety kicks in for real. I obsessively check that the gas and oven are turned off at the mains; I double check each geyser in the house; and I can easily spend 15 minutes in front of each of my cupboards, dementedly checking the locks over and over again. And after I have done all that and am ready to leave for the airport, the anxiety kicks in again, and I have to sternly tell myself that I can’t go through the entire ritual all over again – or I might miss my flight, and then, all of this would have been in vain.

 

The anxiety lasts all through my car ride to the airport. I start obsessively recounting all the things I should have packed, trying to reassure myself that I have, in fact, put them in my suitcase. I have developed some hacks to deal with this. If there is any particular item I am especially anxious about, I place it in the suitcase and take a picture of it. That way if I feel later on that I may have forgotten it, I can look at the picture and feel better.

The other way in which I try to alleviate my anxiety is by taking back-ups of important things as far as is feasible. I pack two separate bags with my essential medicines and place one in the suitcase and the other in my carryon bag. That way, I tell myself, even if I have forgotten a certain item in one, it is bound to turn up in the other. 

 

If all this sounds a bit mad to you, never fear, it seems a bit mad to me too. But if that’s what it takes to travel in (relative) peace, then that’s how it has to be.