The Bank of Mum and Dad

What do we owe our children - and for how long?

 A couple of weeks ago I read an article in a British newspaper, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. It was written – anonymously (I wonder why?) – by a young person who was very concerned about the fact that their inheritance was being squandered by their parents who were ‘blowing up’ their savings on expensive holidays, new cars, luxury purchases, etc. At the rate at which these ‘boomers’ were going through their money, their resentful child complained, there would be nothing left to inherit by the time they passed. 

 

I read to the end feeling horrified at the entitlement dripping through every line. It was mind-boggling to see that an adult (the writer admitted to being in their 30s) still felt that their parents owed them a living – and believed that these retired folk should forgo all the luxuries they had worked so hard for all their lives just so that they could leave a nice little nest egg for their progeny.

 

But once my shock had subsided, I realized that this is exactly what people of my parents’ generation had done in India, without even thinking about it. They may have spent all their lives in salaried slavery, but they put aside every penny for their children’s higher education, weddings, or even a deposit for a car or an apartment. The social contract they grew up with entailed that everything they did was geared towards the comfort and advancement of their kids. Their own needs came last – if at all.

 

I suspect, however, that things have changed with my generation. This is the generation where, for the most part, both husband and wife worked outside the home, and had a substantial disposable income that they used to access the luxuries of life. These are the people who have had successful careers of their own; who both work and play hard; and who think that they deserve the fruits of their labour. They love their children and do their best by them – but the kids are by no means the be-all and end-all of their existence.

 

So, this generation of grandmoms are not going to be available around the clock – and indeed around the year – to babysit their grandkids whenever the parents need a break. They may spoil and indulge their grandchildren; they may enjoy spending time with them; but it will always be on their own terms. If their kids need childminding during the summer break, they are going to have to look elsewhere – Grandma and Grandpa will be too busy sunning themselves in the Maldives or hiking in Europe.

Similarly, the grandpas of today are more likely to be spending their disposable income in buying the car of their dreams (which they could never afford in their youth), paying astronomical sums of money to join clubs where they can play golf (or just hang out), and treating themselves to the latest electronic gadgets in the market.

 

So, the Bank of Mum and Dad may be closed for business for the kids coming of age now – who are going to have to learn to stand on their own two feet. And on balance, that’s probably not such a bad thing. Nothing concentrates the mind more than the knowledge that you have to make it on your own.